Talk:Got Wood?

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Review[edit source]

Yay that OUaP returned after two fucking years on my centric, 'cause yeah I'm its only reader and I'm really sorta the best, but ugh that I have to get back into the habit of reviewing episodes (well, maybe not "habit", because everyone who's not me writes at an excruciating snail pace, see above re: two fucking years) because - and I know I give peeps a lotta flack, wanting them to review my stuff, but it really is effort. Like, I'm somewhat exhausted from just writing this semi-opener-thingy and I haven't even mentioned the episode itself yet, really. Hehe though, semi. Daz fun because of how much this episode had to do with erections. Which, oh yeah, the title... huh. Really quite works, doesn't it? I feel like I suggested it too, even if it was always gonna be in the works. Bon pour moi, as those who suck off bouncers say.

So, this episode was both interesting and a lot of fun, which I suppose is really OUaP's M.O. That is, to somehow provide a legitimately thought-provoking story within the realm of overabundant profanity. Apart from Blow's. That n**ger is pure filth. (I felt uncomfortable actually saying it, my name attached to this on the interweb an' all, anyway...) But yeah, here we delved into Pornocchio's origin story, which was a really good one... mainly because of Anastupid and Dumbella, no lie. Dem slags is just lotsa fun. My fave line of the ep was some guy saying that he'd pay not to have sex with them, and one of them then exclaiming, "Well, so do!" Like I legit laughed out loud at that. Funni.

But this ep wasn't just centric to Porn, it was centric to Geppedo too - Geppedo and his "sickness", which is always encoded as though we don't all know he's a gross kiddy-fiddler. Whiiiiiiiich is probably my main issue with the ep? Now, Pornocchio is selfless, brave and true which is all very well and good (gross how in the actual OUaT ep they kept saying truthful, brave and unselfish though, huh?) because that's the point of his character. To be all those things so that he can be a real boy. A classic motivation. But the other motivation laid on top of it doesn't quite sit right with me, though I think that's probably enhanced by some of Geppedo's solo scenes... So yeah, Geppedo's gross. He's a gross old pedo, and we obviously can't root for him to be in any way happy because, yeah, just ew. It was even mentioned that he and Porn have barely spent any time together because Porn's dedicated himself to "curing" his father. And it's just a little... like... well, why? Fuck him, you know? And then Porn considered killing himself, which, yeah, look how selfless he is, but it just ain't worth it for a gross li'l Art Sheppard who pays for and then yells at whores. Like yeah I just find Pedo's reli fuckin vile and any moment in which Gep coulda earned sympathy got ruined by things like the ending, where he started wanking after sharing a tearful goodbye with his son. I hope he gets killed off. Pornocchio deserves better. He really does. And Jizzinme... do more, ya' hoe. Love Jizzinme. Just cos. Lol Boobs gave him a magic penis even tho like all the wood shit was to protect him -- but fuck that cos he needs summit sex-related about him to fit in with the earth. Anywho I've gone off on a tangent where I don't think I was even able to properly explain what my issue was (I guess the bottom line is, I don't like Gep cos he's a pedo and don't wish him well at all, which, yeah). HI!

Beyond all that though I adored the main story. Ana and Ella as already stated. The whole burning drama, and Maleficunt's inclusion in the present day. Again, it's been 2 years, so I don't remember everything so well -- but I do remember Pornocchio going to Mal in 1.06's fb's, and I remember liking her character. I also remember him going to Belle, and reading Rumbelle together was pretty cool. Rumple being all shook because there's someone in the FT realm that he doesn't know about, 'cause he knows everything (which took 'til their actual scene together to become apparent to me, at first I thought it was just cos like oh yeah they're a couple on OUaT so he's reacting for the lolz, idk, but I got it in the end which is the main thing, leave me be I'm a very tired human). Rumple himself still ain't the most intriguing. When's his 1.08-style centric?

And then there were like a dozen other B-plots. In OUaV I could often only squeeze in like a scene or two, oy. People would have to go eps without developing their B-plots and just settle for minor roles. Hi so what to start with? Well I already started with Rumple, didn't I? But Blow. Let's talk about Blow, and how she gon' fuck everyone over. Mama Hodie's advice was fucking lol. So is she Blow's mother figure, as opposed to her actual mother? Either way she works in Rumple's cotton plantation, and I wonder if it'll be in her own centric or Rumple's that we see what the whole past dealio is there. Maybe a shared. Who knows. Or even a Blow-centric. Hodie also gave a prophecy to Belle (who needs a reminder to never be married again, but still thinks her man gonna come along and make her happy? Questionable logic, just like OUaT's Belle). There were lots of nice little easter eggs in this ep actually. Crapunzel. Moolan. I rely it'll all come eventually.... in 10 years when you've written 5 more eps, ahaha. Cri. Blow actually doing the tearing-apart was fun, blabbing to all the blue palace inhabitants, and my fave was ofc her labeling the bags of poop. Not seen the fallout from that yet. Ig it's 1.14. Whose centric is that? Rena and Ali had a scene that took place after it, and idk if that's weird or not, but ig not because no smack was instigated between them, just against the Dog.

Anywho, I guess that brings us to the Renali portion. Rena was a rude slut, reminded me kind of S4 WL Renaboss who was like the biggest cunt ever to Lady Junky and Renaboss the writer defended him even though yeah step off. Rena I suppose you're a dimensional protagonist or whatever, but everyone else around you's a lot more interesting and I honestly forgot that you maybe did or maybe didn't kill your wife. You probably didn't, since, like, twist. Unless it's a double bluff kinda twist, when we finally learn the answer. It's intriguing for now. Ali, don't eat pizza, it's ridiculously bad for you. Like literally the worst food you can eat except maybe a hunk of lard or summit.

I feel as though there was another subplot that I've forgotten, which worries me. OH YES! The Imp. Iiiiiiii didn't really care. Like it said, was pretty extra. And I just remembered that 1.14 is centric to the Imp. So a whole ep that's extra. Story wasn't bad, had a few lolz in it, but I'm guessing it only existed because it's his centric next ep? Queer was absent. Abigoat aren't u nice. Not even sure I understand how everything was resolved. But, hi, it all happened. Good for

Pornocchio's a pretty cute character. I wonder what other aspects of his backstory we're gonna get to see once we move onto contrived centrics. He's mah fave, and only partially because I'm biased. I just legit find him the most rootable of the main cast. He sah pure. Cri his lost his gf and his dad wants to rape him. My characters and being raped as a child, amirite? Bet Tyson's daddy fiddled with Joe DeWar. Aye aye aye aye aye.

So, overall, this was a solid first episode back. I don't think I enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed 1.12, which I remember particularly loving, or as much as Porn's last centric, which was rather epic (well, we wouldn't really want the first ep back to be epic anyway), but yeah it had some solid humour and solid human. Solid human doesn't make any sense, but what I mean is there were quite a few human moments. If you even know what I mean? You probably don't. Or do. Hehe, cos Porn ain't human. I...'ve lost it. Just be happy I reviewed, okay? Or did I critique too much? I LIKED THE EP. That's all.

Jdg98 (talk) 16:18, 13 October 2017 (UTC)

Hey Joe, thank you so much for reviewing. I truly am sorry that it took so long to put out a new episode - it took a little while longer, I suppose, because I did take that week off and because Jo insisted on the ep coming out on the two-year anniversary of the posting of 1.12, which, sure, might as well. As you know, in these last two years, I strayed from wikia a bit for a wide variety of reasons, which includes actually devoting myself to earning my damn degree that I now never want to do anything with because oh my God law is soooo boring. I have to be completely honest with you, never in any particular moment was I actually "feeling" this episode. I just wasn't. I honestly love Pornocchio as a character and am thrilled that you do as well, bias notwithstanding - I mean, you're biased towards Jdg98, but we can all agree he can be an annoying little twat. I, of course, have the privilege of knowing Pornocchio's full story (or, at least, the key moments) in my head, and I can tell you he probably has the best journey out of anyone in the main cast. As for the contrived flashbacks and centrics, oh yeah, brace yourself, cos they're a-comin': we've pretty much covered the basic stuff behind Porn's personality, origins and drive, so up next we are obviously gonna take on all the many chapters of Pinocchio's story (thankfully, there are quite a bunch), like pleasure island (it's a peninsula, le gasp!!) and the huge whale, and try to provide our own, fun little twists on them. Writing the episode - and actually having to rewrite some scenes, like the Rumbelle one, for they were lost to us) - was a bit hard because, well, two years off from writing for these characters ruins the flow, the habit was gone. I acknowledge the clunkiness of Renali's post-smack-talk scene, and as for Belle's logic, lmao, you got me there, that was dumb, and I'll try to rectify when she next appears (should be 1.16). I am also surprised and relieved you like the ugly stepsisters because honestly, they are, to me, the hardest characters to write for, simply because there's two of them, with undistinguished personalities, and I feel obligated to make them funny but it doesn't flow out of me like with some of the other characters - thank God I now have Jo to help with the comedic stuff; I may be a funny guy, but the drama truly is my area of expertise. That's another thing that helped towards the two-year hiatus, you and Jo teaming up to write another show altogether, hai how u doin? As for Geppedo, I gotta be honest, I never even gave any thought to whether or not he was rootable, you know? He exists, he is what he is and provides the purpose that he does, he's a pedophile, someone who does have a kind heart but can't control their impulses, and who is low-key attracted to his own son. It was rather uncomfortable for me to write that last flashback, which must mean I've matured, cos I didn't have that problem writing Hans and Greta's weird teenage incest in 1.09. But it is what it is, and, story-wise, we're gonna have some fun with Geppedo as far as the large-scale history of the show is concerned. As for 1.14, I am honestly so excited for it. Pretty much everything will be extra, but the fun kind of extra: gay men by the barrowful and whole new worlds to explore. What could be better than that? - Renaboss (talk) 17:49, 13 October 2017 (UTC)