The Glass Slipper
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Camsay - Fucksman
Derpster01 - Imp
DoctorStrange - Jizzinme Cricket
Lady Junky - Lady Trampaine
Matthewbrianc - Geppedo
MissMayfair - Whorora
UFO Editor - King Midass
AnastasiaOncer - Anastupid
Cashmere - Abigoat
DarkSwan4Ever - Mini-Imp
Emma Cassidy Lover - Dumbella
FrancisPaul - Grand Puke
Visual Dream - Lucifuck
"The Glass Slipper" is the 12th episode of Once Upon a Penis.
Summary[edit | edit source]
Tired of living in the woods but afraid to go back home should the Evil Queer strike again, Cinderali's friends urge her to visit her ex-husband and reason with him, hoping to dissuade him from pursuing them. Reluctant at first, the kind-hearted princess acquiesces. Meanwhile, the Queer himself adjusts to having his little big sister back in his life, and, in flashbacks, Cinderali makes it to the ball, and the wish her heart made comes true... sort of.
Plot[edit | edit source]
[edit | edit source]
Darkness. For a moment there is nothing but darkness, but then there are some hesitant sparks. Finally light bursts from the flames lit, and the face of Cinderali is shown; she smiles, having succeeded in lighting a decent fire for herself and her other traveling companions. "That's more like it," she exclaims, turning to the group who all gather around to get warm. "Anything's better than what that barbarian accomplished," Pornocchio says in a disdainful tone, eying Blow White, still upset with her for earlier events (see "The Midass Touch). Rena and the Dog are confused, still not having been told why Pornocchio looks blackened; Rena questions what Porn is talking about, but Ali motions that he drop the subject, not wanting to make things worse. There's an awkward silence for a couple of moments, but Bellend finally speaks up: "Soo... when do you think we're going to return home?" Rena and Ali both look at one another, not knowing exactly how to answer the question. "Well," Rena tries, "We're waiting a while longer to see if the King will return, no?" "Yes, but..." "That's something we should probably worry about tomorrow," Ali interrupts, nervously, hoping to buy some time. Blow rolls her eyes. "Fucking bullshit," she exclaims, "Y'all two pussies know fuck about what's gonna happen next." Ali mumbles under her breath, begging God to give her the tolerance for Blow's excessive bitching, and then speaks up to her friend (more or less, as of the late) that they're doing the best they can in the situation they've been presented with. Geppedo nods at this, agreeing with Ali and Rena: "I believe the two of them have things under control and that we should just wait a bit longer." "Is there a reason you're speaking?!" Blow questions, "You are fucking here. We get that. There's no need for you to say anything. You're like the least fucking relevant out of all of us so just go back behind the carriage and blow your son or whatever the fuck it is you sickos do!!" Once more, Geppedo leaves the group without saying a word. "Can we all just put in a vote to kick Blow out?" Porn asks, annoyed; Belle seconds this. Ali shakes her head, doing her best to calm everyone down: "Everyone, please just... can we just wait till the morning?" Blow shakes her head. She approaches Ali, getting close up in her face; "This is all your fault. If you hadn't married that piece of faggot, this never would've happened. If you hadn't taken in that fucking 'savior', this never would've happened. If you hadn't rescued that old man from His Faggesty himself, this never would've happened. You are the bitch to blame for all of this, now I want you to go and fucking fix it. Go to the Queer's castle and talk to him, suck his dick, slice his throat for all I care. Just. Do. SOMETHING!" Ali is taken aback by all this, and she turns to the rest of the group. All eyes are on her. She gulps, knowing what she must do.
It is undoubtedly the most illuminated night the Embiggened Forest has seen in the longest time, for the fireworks blowing up in the sky brighten everything up as they fill the skyline with colors and beauty. On the ground below, Cinderali stands in the frontyard of her family's mansion, holding her broomstick - with a tighter grip now than earlier before, as a reflex - and looking at the gruesome man before her, with intimidation in her eyes, as he tells her, with the utmost certainty, that he'll help her get to the ball (see "The Little Whore Maid"). Rumpleforeskin admires her overall look, taking pity upon the pretty dress the maid's animal friends put together for her, that was so viciously torn apart by her wicked stepsisters. "That dress was very pretty, I'm sure... But I can give you a prettier one." Alison's bird friends watch their meeting take place from the branches on the trees of the frontyard, and her mice friends show up from under the front porch. All the tiny animals can sense the Dark One's magic and look agitated because of it. He starts walking around her, and she shows some reluctance: "I, I don't know if we should go through with this..." He shushes her right away, and with a gesture of his right hand in the air, a magical wand shows up from the thin air. Ali is amazed by this, and he comments that he collected it from a dead fairy very, very recently (see "It's Not Easy Being Black"). "Worry not," he adds, "No one'll miss her." He then explains that he had to put the broken halves of the wand back together but he thinks it's working again just fine. He twirls it in the air and streams of glistening magic shoot from the wand and envelop the young maid, surrounding her in a wave of bright, white magic that cascades down her figure, transforming her completely. The torn-up pink rags are quickly replaced by a lavish blue dress, exuding luxury and glamour; her long, shiny blonde hair is tied in a neat little bow behind her head and a diamond tiara shows up to add a finishing touch to her 'do; a blue pearl pendant ornates her neckline, her delicate hands are covered by silk gloves and her ears are adorned by the most exquisite earrings. Each component of her attire matches the next, forming a picture-perfect ensemble that's absolutely jaw-dropping. "I am so missing out on a bright future in the fashion industry," Rumple comments. This said, he is forced to take a few steps back to fully admire his work, and his model. Beauty takes its form - and reaches its zenith - in the young maid. Without a doubt, she is the most beautiful woman who ever lived. And she's never looked more beautiful before than she does in that moment. Alison looks below to admire the dress she's been gifted, and is left speechless. She twirls in it and the skirt moves ever so elegantly, glistening under the moonlight and fireworks as though she's dipped in snowflakes. Her blue eyes seem to gain a new, brighter glow to complement just this. "My, my..." Rumple says, "You're going to turn every head tonight, not just the prince's." She blushes with excitement. And some anxiety. She then notices something else shining on the floor below her: a pair of glass slippers. Rumple sees that she's spotted them: "Go ahead. Try them on." "They're glass," she comments, stating the obvious, to which he responds, "Every story needs a memorable detail." Ali doesn't move, she just looks at him. "What?" he wonders. "They're glass," she repeats. "Yes, we've established that. Put them on." "No?" Pause. "...Why the fuck not?" "They're glass?" "Bitch put on the fucking shoes!" "No!" she insists, "Are you insane? What woman in her right mind would ever agree to put on a pair of glass shoes? They're gonna break and cut my feet!" "OH MY FUCKING GOD no they're not just put on the damn shoes!!" "Do you take me for a fool?" Rumple starts pulling at his hair. "Ju...just put them on, please." "No!" "They're magic, they're not gonna shatter, I promise, just put them on." "Can't you just give me regular shoes?" "Oh my God you stupid retarded braindead piece of shit these are a one-of-a-kind Rumple & Gabbana creation put on the fucking shoes!" "You do it," she suggests. "...What?" "Try them on so I'll know it's safe." Another pause. "You gotta be fucking kidding me." "Oh, forgive me for not trusting the Dark One." Rumple sighs, then grunts, then takes off his boots and puts on the glass slippers. He and the princess share the same size, make of that what you will. It truly is a sight to behold, the Dark One walking around the frontyard of a brothel wearing tiny glass high-heeled slippers on his feet and advertising them: "Oh, wow, these shoes are so comfy! It feels like I'm walking on air. I'm pretty sure they're doing wonders for my spine as well. When we get down and dirty I'm keeping these babies on cos they're just that hot." He takes them off and Cinderali is urged to try them on next. When she does, she lets out: "Oh my God... feels like I'm wearing nothing at all." "Fucking toldju," the Dark One states. A thought then dawns on the future princess: "Alright, I have a dress now, but... the golden castle is all the way up there." She points at the sight of the castle in the distance, atop a hill. "How shall I get there?" "A pertinent question," Rumple tells her, the smile returning to his face, "What you need is a pumpkin." "Obviously," Ali says. Rumple twirls the wand in the air once more and chants, "Diddibi-doddibi-doo!" A pumpkin is selected from the mansion's pumpkin patch, in its market garden area, and is brought over to the two of them and, with a few strokes of the magic wand, the pumpkin grows in size, turns blue and its leaves become wheels, a door with a tiny window appears on its side and, soon enough, the large fruit has been turned into a larger carriage, built to accommodate the fair lady. Ali marvels at the sight, and starts to think that maybe the Dark One isn't as evil as he's been made out to be. "This... is wondrous," she points out, as her gloved hands feel the texture of the carriage. "Now, where do you keep your horses?" Rumple asks, to which Ali replies, "They're all kept in the bestiality section of the brothel." "Right... Well, then, your little friends will have to do." Rumpleforeskin shines a light from the wand over the front porch, illuminating three of Cinderali's mice friends, including the chubby Pus-Pus, and casts a spell on them. Pus-Pus manages to escape without being hit by the white magic, but his two companions are turned into large, white horses, after Rumple chants "Diddibi-doddibi-doo" once more. "Diddi-what?" Ali asks, confused. "I know, right?" Rumple tells her, "Try saying that three times real fast. Heck, try saying it just once at a normal speed. Now, now," he looks at the two horses, "I was sure there were three..." He tries to find the fat mouse that he believes got away on the porch, and is soon able to. "Ah, there you are!" Lucifuck, the stepsisters' atrocious and atrociously fat cat, catches the juicy-looking mouse and devours him, just in time to be hit by Rumple's magic. Pus-Pus starts to turn into a horse inside Lucifuck's mouth, so the cat is forced to spit him out just in time for the transformation to be complete. Once it is, Pus-Pus the white horse kicks Lucifuck in the face, and the fat cat waddles away, shrieking. "Hmmm... we need a fourth horse, can't have an odd number of beasts pulling the carriage." Blow White the negro shows up all of a sudden, munching on crisps, and greets Ali: "Sup ma nigga from anutha mutha?" She is immediately struck by Rumple's magic and transforms into a black horse. The visual image of it all is too entertaining to put to words. When compared to the other white steeds, she stands out, and Rumple makes the clear analogy that there must always be a black sheep in the bunch. He then strikes one of Ali's bird friends who becomes humanized to serve as the coachman, and another one to serve as the footman. "I hope all of my friends don't mind any of this," Ali says. Rumple reassures her that her animal friends are having a lovely time being something else, but for safety purposes Blow White won't remember what happened to her after she becomes human again. "Which she will," Rumple continues, "After the twelve strokes of midnight have rang. So you should be home by then." This takes Ali by surprise: "What? Why?" "Magic can't last forever, dearie, and the expiration date on this one is midnight tonight. Think you need to write that down somewhere?" "But it's almost 10 pm now," she brings up, "Surely you can extend it. The real fun doesn't start till after midnight, everyone knows this. Why can't I stay for a while longer?" "Because I intend to be watching you on my flatscreen MV but at a quarter past midnight The Real Ho-wives of El Horado comes on and I do not miss a single moment of that watercooler goodness thank you very much." "Then why can't I stay till a quarter past midnight?" Rumple is starting to really lose his patience: "Bitch are you even familiar with the notion of a 'bathroom break'? Huh? How 'bout 'snack run'? I swear to God, there's like 20 thirsty hookers in this mansion yearning to go dance with the prince, do you want me to just go hit up one of them?" "Nonono!" Ali says, "I'll be home by midnight, I promise. And... thank you. So much. What do I owe you?" "We'll talk about my fee later," Rumple tells her, trying to conceal a devious smile, "The clock is ticking, just go and have fun." Ali lifts up her dress, showing a huge smile, and enters the pumpkin carriage, as her bird-turned-footman friend opens the door for her. Soon, the horses start taking the carriage all the way towards the golden castle in the distance, as the fireworks never cease to go off, exploding into millions of tiny little colorful sparks in the skyline. Rumple giggles with wicked delight before poofing himself away, and Ali smiles, her gloved hands over her heart, as she is taken to the point where the wish her heart made might just come true.
ONCE UPON A PENIS
Act I[edit | edit source]
The Fucksman opens the door to the little princess' bedroom, just as he's been instructed to, and Abigoat's eyes grow wide - as does her smile - when she is faced with the chamber in which she grew up. Many years ago... The room had been kept locked all this time, passage barred, and it now stands out for a very simple reason: it is pink. Not golden, like every single wall, door and piece of furniture in that castle. Upon being blessed/cursed with his gift, Midass had "redecorated" his home, but his young daughter, who loved pink - as is a princess' wont - asked that her room stay the same, and it did. Abigoat tries to make a run for her bed, to jump on it, but realizes her limbs are sore from having been a golden statue for so long. She falls on her knees, and the Imp immediately raises her up. "Thank you," she tells him, in a kind tone. Then she is forced to ask: "W-what are you?" "I am the Imp, Your Majesty," the creature promptly answers, with a big grin, "I am your little big brother's helper, magically created from his feces to..." "Imp, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" the Queer orders, startling both the helper and the girl. Midass tries to change the subject, asking Abby if she's pleased to have her old room back, and she says she is. "We kept it the same way, all this time," Josh points out, "We wouldn't dare change it." "But you both have changed," she comments, almost with a glum look on her petite face, "You're all grown up... I used to be your big sister, and now... You're much, much bigger than me." Josh feels some sadness and nostalgia, and tells her, "I guess now it's my turn to look after you." "And father," she says, addressing her old - emphasys on "old" - man, "You've aged... terribly." She takes special notice of his golden eyes and hair, and the overall yellow-ish tone of his skin, and realizes the curse has taken a much bigger toll on him over the years. "It matters not," Midass reassures her, "Not anymore. Now that you're back." Abby smiles. Then she asks them what they've been up to all these years. The Queer and his father exchange looks and have no idea what to say. The Imp is more than happy to answer the question for them, however: "I know this one, I know this!! His Majesty the Evil Queer, holy fag amongst men, rioted on his own and imprisoned his father after learning dark magic and took over the kingdom and is now trying to cast a curse and..." The Imp eats the bottom of the Queer's ceptre before he can finish his long answer.
King Midass' royal ball takes place, in a flashback, the ball meant to introduce his young son to the high society, with the agenda of landing him a wife. His Majesty watches from atop a balcony as the event takes place downstairs. Prince Joshooa, meanwhile, stands at the head of the ball room, bored out of his mind, simply wanting the night to come to an end. The Grand Puke stands at the room's entrance, announcing the lovely ladies who arrive, waiting for the Prince to take someone's hand and ask them for a dance . One by one, the well-dressed, well-groomed upper-class maidens make their way down the aisle of the room, each of which has their hand kissed by the Prince before proceeding to mingle with the other guests. "Anastupid and Dumbella Trampaine, daughters of Lady Trampaine," the Puke announces, the two women having just made it through the door. Lady Trampaine, meanwhile, goes ahead and heads into the crowd, seeing as how she's not a possible candidate for the Prince's bride. The two sisters start making their way down the aisle to meet the Prince; however, not as... gracefully as the women who have gone before them. The gals sprint, all the while stomping their over-sized heels across the hard floor. They push one another out of the way, both rushing to meet Joshooa first. "Move it, heffer nut; he's mine!" Ana barks at her sister, who retaliates, "Go back to sneaking up in the middle of the night and shoving broomsticks up your cunt!!" Insulted, Ana grabs a handful of her sister's hair, pulling her back and shoving her out of the way. Ella does the same, hoping to get back at her, but is shocked to find herself ripping off Anastupid's entire wig. The crowd gasps, and Ana grabs her hair back, quickly trying to get it back on her head so she can look slightly presentable. Lady watches from the crowd, annoyed. The two sisters hurry down the remainder of the aisle where Josh stands, completely disgusted. Ana and Ella curtsy, and stick out their crusty hands for the Prince to kiss. He instead shakes them (barely) and sends them on their way, thinking to himself that he's gayer now than ever before. After giving everyone a moment to brush off the abomination that just walked down the aisle (a servant even comes in with a mop and bucket), the Grand Puke announces the next guest, "Princess Whorora, daughter of King Stefap." In she walks, the beautiful princess of the neighboring kingdom; Josh looks at her, smiling, seeing something in her he has not seen in the other maidens. Her extreme beauty can't be met with indifference. King Midass looks down below, pleased to see his son kiss the hand of a woman who could lead to an eventual merger of kingdoms. "Would you like to dance?" Josh asks, to which Whorora nods, taking his hand; the two make their way to the center of the room, dancing away. Midass motions that the Puke join him on the balcony, for there is no need to announce any further, as the Prince seems to have made his decision. Things are going great so far: Whorora can dance, she can dress, and appears to truly be the fairest maiden in all the land. Then she starts talking... "Oh my god, shield your eyes," she exclaims, "I just saw a black person. I'm sorry but this castle needs better security. Who in their right mind would allow one of those things off its leash?!" Josh is taken aback by this, but answers, "Um, I'm sure it's just a servant..." "Well I couldn't make out there being a shock collar on it. I had valet carriage parking, and if one of those animals gets a hold of my ride home then my father will not be happy." Whorora then stops dancing. "Is there a problem?" Josh asks, now entirely unsure about the princess. Whorora begins removing her diamond earrings, necklace, and rings, slips everything into her bra; "I'm not taking any chances," she replies, going back to dancing. Josh goes to say something, but Whorora cuts him off, without realizing it, as she goes on speaking, "Black people though, they're just the absolute worst. Like oh my god, dark skin is just so not in. I seriously believe they should just be put on chains and sent out into the fields in order to do something productive with their disgusting lives, but nowadays there's all those nigger rights activists, like please." Josh tries to cut in again, but Whorora doesn't allow it: "Okay I lied, there is something worse than niggers. It's faggots. I cannot stand them. What kind of man would like to take a cock up his ass?! Jesus Christ, that is no man. That is a terrible excuse for a man, and when I become Queen of my father's kingdom I am going to see to it that public executions be held for such a crime. I just can't even with that... Like, shit comes out of your butt. Some men like to get fucked up it. Ew! Oh and then there's what my father refers to as 'rug-munchers'. Another ew!" Josh doesn't bother saying anything. He's simply tuned Whorora out at this point, and is back to waiting for the horrible night to end. And then he spots her. Her. Looking confused, out in the distance, having just come up the grand stairs that lead to the ballroom. She admires the luxury of the golden castle surrounding her, as he admires the luxury that is her. He lets go of Whorora and walks towards the mysterious woman, driven by something he can't even explain. In the few seconds it takes him to get to her, he is forced to ask himself what is happening, why he feels so drawn to this woman. He's never been attracted to women before... he didn't think it could be possible. But at the moment he found himself admiring that strange, fascinating young dame, and thought to himself that she must be the most beautiful woman in the world. He's right to think so. "Hello," he says, catching her by surprise. She turns to face him and is taken by the handsome young man in the royal garbs greeting her. "I am Prince Joshooa. Welcome to my ball." He reaches out his hand; she places her gentle, gloved hand on his and he kisses it. Then, out of the blue, they start dancing. Like a scene straight out of a movie. Or a fairytale... They waltz their way back to the ballroom, and everyone stands in awe as the picture-perfect pair match their steps perfectly. Midass' jaw drops slowly, as he sees his son leading a dance with a beautiful lady. The Grand Puke doesn't look as content, however. Whorora is flabbergasted; she too has to acknowledge the new guest is remarkably beautiful, but still insults her, saying, "Ugh, she looks so basic." She doesn't, though. Cinderali's crystalline blue eyes glow as she is led by the Prince, swept up in a whimsical moment she knew she'd remember forever. In that moment, with that dance, she could tell her life was changing. For the better. Forever. This handsome stranger with a soft look on his face, whose eyes were now meeting hers, was her Prince Charming. He tries to start up a conversation, just to make sure she isn't as vapid as his previous dancing partner. "How haven't I met you before?" he wonders. "You just haven't been looking in the right places," she answers. The cryptic, vague answer amuses him slightly. "You move so gracefully. Are you a princess?" "Not exactly," she says, "I am... just a simple lady." As they dance, Lady Trampaine, frustrated over the fact that the Prince hasn't chosen one of her daughters to dance with, tries to peak her head up over the crowd to take a look at the unknown woman who's made it to the picture. She can barely tell who it is as she stands on the tip of her toes, looking over the tall gentlemen before her, but in the brief fractions of seconds when the woman's face becomes more visible, when she twirls back into sight, she looks so familiar... "What do you do, then? How does a 'lady' pass the time?" the Prince asks. "Oh, what don't I do? If you get to know me better, you might find I'm a multifaceted young woman." "Is that so?" "Absolutely. How about you?" The Prince blushes, stating that he's not adept at doing much, having grown up confined to the walls of the castle. "Just a few days ago, I went on a hunting trip with some of my father's soldiers - against my will, I might add - and I couldn't even start a fire to keep myself warm at night." "You don't know how to start a fire?!" (see "God Save the Queer")
"Do you have to go?" Rena questions Ali, who is getting a backpack of supplies ready to set off for the Evil Queer's castle. "Rena, please, you know that I must. Blow, when looking at things in her sick, messed up logic, is kind of right. I need to go and fix things." Rena still isn't sure of this, fearing for her safety: "What if he imprisons you? Kills you, even?... I can't let that happen to you." Ali is touched by this, and kisses her lover on the cheek; however, she assures him that it might actually be safer this way. "In case you've forgotten, Josh and I were once married. He... though he may not have been necessarily attracted to me, he was a friend. He cared about me, Rena. He won't hurt me." To be sure, Rena wishes to join her, but Ali shakes her head; "He may not hurt me, but I can't say the same about you." Rena sighs, and Bellend soon approaches the two, bringing with her a horse from the banana carriage. "You all set?" the bookworm asks, to which Ali nods, thanking her. The Princess kisses her beau one last time before hopping onto the horse; "I'll be back," she says, giving Rena a warm smile. She then sets off, waving goodbye at everyone else as she does so.
They've made it out of the ballroom. Dancing. Always dancing... The beautiful, orchestral music playing in the ballroom is now an echo soaring in the distance as they waltz through the majestic gardens surrounding the golden castle, in the back, in a flashback. Cinderali and Prince Joshooa haven't let go of each other's company over the last hour and a half, a perpetual smile plastered on their faces, as they each daydream of a future together. She dreams of escaping the clutches of her wretched stepfamily, becoming a princess but holding on to her humility, closing down the brothel she now hails from and living happily ever after in the company of her Prince Charming. He dreams of curing himself, settling for a happy, normal life in the company of this beautiful woman he's come to honestly care for, resisting his innate urges to be with men, and maybe raising a family with her, and becoming King one day. They finally stop dancing when the music can no longer be heard, and sit on the border of a fountain in the garden. The fireworks start to come up again, and the newly-formed pair is out of words to say. They simply stare into each other's eyes, drawn to one another in ways neither one can understand. They move in closer to kiss, and a million thoughts rush through their heads in a fraction of a second. Their hearts beat faster as their lips grow closer. He wonders what it'll be like to kiss a woman. She wonders if the kiss will live up to her greatest dreams of romance. They don't find out. Not right away. For the bell starts ringing. Midnight has come, which is why the fireworks resumed. Cinderali moves her head back. "Oh no..." She gets up in a haste, telling him she has to go. "What? Why?" "I'm sorry!" She starts to run away, with an agility one wouldn't expect of a lady in a ball dress and high-heeled shoes. He chases after her, begging her to wait, but Alison is entirely too scared of reverting back to her rags in front of the prince and ruining the lovely evening they've shared. She makes it back to the grand red stairs that lead to the entrance of the castle, as the tiara on her head suddenly vanishes, as does the tie wrapping her hair up in a bow. Her long, shiny blond hair is set free and blows in the wind as she runs down the stairs, bright sparkles dancing around it, and she unfortunately loses her left slipper. She turns back around to put it on, out of instinct, but the image of the Prince showing at the top of the stairs and calling for her to wait startles her, so she goes on without the shoe. He starts making it down the steps, followed by the Puke and a couple of golden knights. She makes it to her pumpkin carriage and orders her friends/servants to hurry out of there, her earrings, gloves and pendant now gone. The Prince orders that the gates be closed, but the pumpkin manages to get out just in the nick of time. The horses push the large berry through the woods of the Embiggened Forest, and as they reach the Trampaine mansion the transformation gets closer to reversing. Eventually, the pumpkin goes back to its original size, imploding around Cinderali. The coachman and footman become birds again, the three white horses go back to being mice, and the black horse starts to transform back into Blow White as well. Her head pops back up first, in a horse's body. She looks back, fully aware of what has happened to her, calls Ali a bitch and immediately lifts up her tail and expels a large excrement towards her, narrowly missing the maid. She then goes back to her full naked form, and passes out on the lawn. Cinderali sighs... Her big romantic night has come to an end. But it was absolutely perfect while it lasted... She admires her torn-up rags, the ruined pink dress she started out with, and her animal friends come together around her and call her attention to something... The glass slipper still around her right foot. She takes it off and admires it. The beautiful reminder of a beautiful night. The memorable detail... She kisses the shoe, and holds it close to her chest. And, unbeknownst to her, back at the golden castle, the Prince finds the left slipper on the steps and holds it close to his own chest...
Act II[edit | edit source]
Abigoat sits on a bench in the front garden of the golden castle, reading a juvenile novel. Reading was always one of her favorite pastimes, and she was even responsible for first teaching her brother how to read. The Fucksman approaches her, holding a tray of cookies, and puts it before her face, informing her that King Joshooa sent them so that she could have a snack. Abby marvels at the delicious odor emanating from them, and then wonders if her brother will be joining her, to which Fucks replies that the King must tend to his chores, having an empire to run and all. The Fucksman prepares to set the tray down on the bench and leave, but Abby asks him to stay. Despite being but an 11-year-old girl - give or take a few years of static aging as a statue -, she is taken by the man's admirably good looks. After all, she is her brother's sister. The Fucksman complies, and she gives him permission to eat the cookies with her. "What is your story?" she asks, "How have you come to work for my brother? You seem to be his favorite assistant. Considering how badly he appears to mistreat the poor Imp." The Fucksman doesn't know what to say. "I like him," she continues, "The Imp. He's funny." Fucks smiles, not knowing what else to do. "You know, I actually feel like I've met you two before... Somehow. But I don't recall you being around when... Well, when I was. I wonder where this déjà vu comes from." The Fucksman thinks back to being raped by the Imp right before the statue of the girl (see "I Woof You"). He gulps. She takes notice of how the man doesn't seem to want to answer her. But she doesn't know how badly he wants to, and how much he is struggling with this. The Fucksman is well aware of how mellow the Queer has been ever since his sister came back into the picture. He figures that if he told her the truth, of how his heart was ripped out and he's been forced to work as a sex slave - and a regular slave - all this time, maybe she'd convince her brother to let him go. But then he looks at her gentle face and can't bring himself to taint her innocence. Not after everything he's already done... She changes the subject. "Can you please answer me something else instead? I've noticed some... tension in the air, especially shared between my brother and our father. They had never had a proper, tight bond that I can remember, but... Did something bad happen when I was gone?" Once more, the Fucksman doesn't know what to say that wouldn't involve him stepping over some boundaries, so he simply tells her that's something she should bring up to her family. Abby nods, and hands him another cookie. "Thank you," she tells him. He asks what for. "For trying to protect my innocence."
Focus on a set of legs. Skinny to the bone. Wobbly as can be. Pan up to the face of Anastupid Trampaine. At a local fair, one of Cinderali's two stepsisters stands alone, looking around. She does not look good. Her balance is totally off, her frizzy red hair has begun to thin out, her skin is pale and peeling, and she is skinny. God, she is skinny... Not to mention, still ugly as sin. Her sister Dumbella then joins her, not looking the slightest bit better; the difference is, however, that she is munching away on a corn dog. Ana gasps, hitting the corndog out of her sister's hand; "What the hell are you doing?! Are you trying to get fat?! Calories, Dumbella, calories!!" "No Ana it's okay, it was a corn dog. Corn is a vegetable. That means it's safe, remember?" "Ohhhhhh," Ana replies, coming to realization, "Okay yeah that makes sense. Sorry." Ella then notices two attractive men heading in their direction, and so she nudges her sister, alerting her. The two gals then lean against one another, smiling and waving at the men as they walk by. Their cracked lips and yellow teeth show, disgusting the two men, who proceed to walk a bit faster. "I think they liked us!!" Ana says cheerfully, trying to hop up and down, but nearly falls over due to her instability to stand properly anymore. The gals' moment of happiness comes to a fast end, however, for galloping on a horse comes Cinderali, cutting through the fair on her way to the Queer's castle. The horse comes to a quick and unscheduled halt, however, terrified by the sight of Anastupid and Dumbella. Ali is nearly thrown from her steed, but is able to hold on; once realizing what scared the horse, she is not all that surprised. "Cinderali?!" the ugly stepsisters exclaim in unison, "What the heck are you doing here?!" Right below Lady Trampaine, her stepsisters are the last people in the world Ali would like to bump into, but alas, it has happened, and so she must deal with it. Doing her best to convey a friendly smile, Ali greets the two gals, to which Ana replies, cackling, "Ha you're still ugly! Yeah you ugly... ugly bitch!" She cackles more and high-fives Dumbella, quite proud of her insult. "LOL," Ella then exclaims, "You married a gay person! Your husband liked penis in his butt! LOL! LOL!" "We are on a roll!" says Ana, as the two stepsisters high-five once more. Ali, continuing to maintain her friendly smile, asks if the two of them are quite finished yet. "Ummmmmmmm," Dumbella thinks for a moment, "OH! Mother says you're with a dark-skinned person now. How sick are you?!" Ali has now had enough, and can feel her smile slowly slipping away; "Well it was nice seeing you two, but I have better and more productive things to do, so I hope you two have a day." (Yes, she's so passive-aggressive she won't wish them a "good" or "bad" day.) With that, Ali's horse starts to set off, but slowly at first, for it has to take a shit. The two stepsisters, not paying any attention to this, follow Ali and continue to mock her. Anastupid, however, trips and falls into Dumbella, and the two land in a pile of the horse's feces. "Ewwwwwwwwwwww," they each cry in unison. Meanwhile, Ali can be seen trying to cover up her smile regarding her stepsisters' predicament.
In flashback, Ali dusts around the Trampaine mansion, humming a beautiful melody as she does so. The humming then turns into a song about a singing nightingale. She makes her way past her stepsisters' personal exercise room, where Anastupid and Dumbella are in the middle of doing squats. She ends up in the kitchen, but is startled to see Rumpleforeskin, who has made himself at home, leaned back in a seat with his feet propped up on the table. "I assume you had a good evening?" Rumple questions, to which Ali joyously smiles, exclaiming that she did. "Oh it was great! Joshooa... he's a lovely prince. Handsome, charming... everything a girl could ask for." Rumple smiles, pleased by how things are going so far. Ali frowns, however; "What about me, though? What if I didn't make a good impression? I did run off on him all of a sudden, after all. He doesn't even know my name..." "Well..." Rumple replies, before snapping his fingers and making a crystal ball appear on the table; "See for yourself.". Through it, Ali and the Dark One are able to view Prince Joshooa and King Midass.
"You danced with her for nearly the entirety of the night!! How could you not have learned her name?!" Midass questions, to which Josh shrugs his shoulders, replying, "Shit happens." The King rolls his eyes, but Josh pulls out the glass slipper Ali left behind. "She did leave this." The King takes the slipper from his son's hand, examining it for a moment. He's intrigued by the design, for he has never seen a shoe made of, well, glass. Midass snaps his fingers, alerting the Grand Puke to join them. "Your Highness?" the Puke questions, to which the King demands a global search be made: "I want this shoe tried on every maiden in the kingdom, and the woman who fits the slipper shall return to the castle and marry my son!" Though clearly not too happy about this request, the Puke nods, taking the slipper, and heading off. "You're really desperate to marry me off, aren't you?" Josh comments, mocking the idiocy of his father's request, to which Midass bluntly replies, "Yes. Yes I am."
Back at the Trampaine mansion, Rumple snaps his fingers, poofing the crystal ball away. Ali sighs with relief, pleased to know she is the maiden Prince Joshooa is after. "So you see, my sweet," Rumple exclaims, "Your prince will soon come." Having gone back to her chores, humming once more, excited for the Puke's arrival, Cinderali doesn't notice the wicked grin on the Dark One's face. Moreover, she also doesn't notice Lady Trampaine, who is standing outside of the kitchen, having heard everything...
Joshooa smiles with delight and is actually forced to let out a chuckle or two every now and then as he plays with his sister in the garden of the castle, with a red ball he made the Imp get for them. He hadn't had this much fun in a while... Just an innocent jolly old time. "Are you sure I'm not getting in the way of your tasks and chores? I know you have a kingdom to run," Abby tells her brother, "Father can always play with me instead." Unwilling to stop the fun, Josh tells her it's fine, he's got his best right-hand men looking after the kingdom, and he wouldn't stop what they're doing for anything right now. Abby is delighted. As they keep playing, however, the curious young woman can't help but to ask the questions that have been plaguing her mind ever since she came to and started hearing this or reading that... "Josh, people are... they call you the 'Evil Queer', don't they? Why is that?" Josh is caught off-guard, but doesn't actually have to think much before providing her with an answer: "Because the people of this land are still not ready to accept a homosexual as their ruler. You know better than they do, Abby, you know how it's not my fault, I didn't choose to be like this. But some people still see it as something evil." Abby sympathizes with him. "I've also found old newspapers, old editions of The Embiggened Mirror, with news of your marriage to a young maiden... Who was she? Where is she?" Now, Josh doesn't know what to say. "She looked so pretty in the picture... Can I meet her, Josh? Can I meet your wife?" He grabs the red ball after she last tosses it to him, following this question, and doesn't throw it back. Pause. "I mean..." Abigoat goes on, "I know you're... gay. I'm sure father must have had something to do with you marrying a woman. But, I'd still like to meet her... My sister-in-law. Whether she's former or not." Josh sighs. As does the Imp, who watches them playing from a distance. But the reason he's sighing is a fairly different one...
"AHHHHHHH!!!" Anastupid and Dumbella Trampaine scream in unison, in flashback, as the two maidens look out the window of their mansion to see the Grand Puke has arrived, there to try the glass slipper on the single ladies of the household. "Mother, mother, mother!!" Ana shouts, alerting Lady Trampaine, who makes her way down the stairs, dressed in her finest dress, just as she had instructed her daughters to do as well, hoping to impress the Puke. "Quiet!" she instructs the two gals, "After that abomination of a show you two put on last night, God found it in His heart to give you a second chance. Do not waste it!" The sisters realize she is serious, and the look of fear comes across both of their faces. Lady examines her daughters from head to toe, and finally gives her nod of approval, deeming the two ready for their meeting with the Puke. "Now if you will excuse me," she exclaims, "I have some last minute business to attend to."
With that, Lady makes her way into the kitchen nearby, where Ali tends to her daily chores. She had overheard her stepsisters comment about the Puke's arrival, so now she can't help but hum away as she daydreams about what her life will soon be. Because of this, she doesn't notice her stepmother pick up the frying pan left on the stove, and then BANG. Ali couldn't know what hit her. She collapses to the ground.
The beautiful blonde starts to regain consciousness not too long after, but it's too late for her to do anything, seeing as how Lady Trampaine has her tied to a chair and ball-gagged. She sees her wicked stepmother standing over her, and struggles; she's frightened for her life, on the verge of tears, which simply causes Lady to smile a bit. However, she still slaps her. "Listen to me, you little whore, I will not have you ruin my chance for potential happiness. This is not your happy ending, it's mine, and I will not let you get in the way of it. Once this is all over, we'll see what's to be done with you, whether I continue to whore you out from the comfort of my own home, or sell to you to someone who will do much, much worse." With that, Lady Trampaine closes the pantry she has her stepdaughter prisoner in, and locks it.
"Your Excellency!" Lady exclaims, making her way back out into the main room, where Ana and Ella have welcomed in the Puke and the footman that accompanied him and entertained them in the meantime, "I apologize for my absence, I just had to have a word with my... butler." The Puke nods before clapping his hands; the footman pulls out the glass slipper, which the two sisters look at, longingly. "Dumbella," Lady exclaims, motioning for her to take a seat so that she may try on the slipper. Dumbella does just that; she slides off one of the shoes she is currently wearing, and the Puke can't help but gag at the bunions covering the maiden's foot. Despite this, the shoe goes on... almost. Though nearly a perfect fit, Dumbella's heel doesn't quite make it all the way in. "Next," the Puke exclaims, ready for Ana to try the shoe on (and for it to not fit so he can get away from the two disgusting sisters). Lady, realizing that Ana and Ella wear the same shoe size, speaks up, "Uh, can we have a few moments to freshen up?" The Puke sighs, but allows it.
Ali, who still fears for her life, overhears the Trampaines making their way into the kitchen. "Inside, now," Lady exclaims, opening the pantry and forcing her two daughters inside. "Lie down," she demands Ana, who uncomfortably lies on the floor. Ella questions what her mother is going to do, but Lady doesn't answer, instead ordering that her other daughter grab one of the pre-packaged dildos leftover in a box from there not being enough room in the brothel's giftshop. Once unpackaging, Lady shoves it on Ana's mouth, "Here," she says, "Choke on this for a bit; it'll distract you from the pain." Terrified, Anastupid tries to argue, but Lady has Ella hold the dildo secure in her sister's mouth while she grabs a butcher's knife from the kitchen drawer. HACK, HACK, HACK. As Ana cries in pain and terror, and Ali and Ella watch horrified, Lady Trampaine hacks away at her daughter's foot, wishing to size it just right for the slipper. She then reaches into the pocket of Ali's apron and takes out the maid's emergency sewing kit, knowing she always keeps it on her for whenever it's necessary, as she performs her chores around the house. She sews the front portion of Ana's foot back together with the part left attached to her leg, a nice portion of the foot having been hacked off. Anastupid cries horrors, her teeth about to carve through the dildo. Lady grabs a hold of Ali's foot, who struggles, horrified, thinking that Lady is about to do the same to her. "Jesus Christ, hold still," she demands, simply wishing to compare the size of Ali and Ana's feet; "Yeah, that seems about right, okay girls let's hurry up." Lady and Ella each help clean Ana up, removing the dildo from her mouth and wiping away the blood and tears. They leave. Stricken with shock, Cinderali is left to cry all by herself in the pantry. Or so she thinks. Unbeknownst to them all, a hungover, stark naked Blow White wakes up from her daily nap underneath one of the pantry's benches...
Act III[edit | edit source]
Blue sand. Leaves. Grey crystal rock. The usual. The Imp finishes his Latin chant, and Rumpleforeskin appears before the creature, in a cloud of grey smoke, looking terribly annoyed for having been bothered by such a lowly specimen. "What?." he asks, with a tone that indicates how happy he is to be there. "Forgive me, oh Dark One, lord of the... bad things, I know I should not have bothered you." "No, you shouldn't have." The Imp gets down on his knees: "I am lowly, I am scum, I bring myself to my knees before thee and offer my soul to you..." "Get to the fucking point!!" "I want someone too!" the Imp says, as he stands back up, "His Majesty, my master, he, he has his sister back in his life, and they look so happy together. Playing, frolicking... I want someone in my wretched life that I can play with and take care of. I know my life isn't worth anything, oh Dark One, who hath created me from poo, b-but, I figured maybe you could do that for me. I pooped, see?" For the first time, Rumple notices the pile of excrement on the tabletop, right next to the circle of blue sand used to conjure him. The Imp picks up his own poop with his bare hands and holds it before the Dark One, who is utterly grossed out. "Can you do this for me? Please?" Rumple closes his eyes and sighs. Then he says, "Why the fuck not? Could be amusing." He twirls his grey-ish hands in the air and the feces come flying from the Imp's own hands, coming together through magic and being shaped into a creature of its own. Soon enough, the poop forms a being that looks exactly like the Imp, only smaller in size. And thus the Mini-Imp is born!!! The Imp squeals with delight; he turns to the Dark One and asks how he can repay him. "Hmm, by never bothering me again?" "Deal!" Rumple disappears in another cloud, and the Imp moves to hug the Mini-Imp. "Brother!!" The happiness is immeasurable.
King Midass reads to Abigoat, his left gloved hand over her shoulder, as they sit in one of the many living rooms in the golden castle. The fire in the fireplace dances, and Josh admires them from his chair. He smiles, and feels surprised by this. As a young boy, he had always felt rather jealous of the bond his sister and their father shared, much stronger and more loving than the relationship he and Midass ever had. But now, seeing them together, it's as though no resentment actually crossed his mind or tainted his heart; he was just happy, relieved to see the family brought together. Excluding his mother, of course. The Fucksman enters the room, and informs the Queer that he has a visitor. "Who is it?" "Tis the princess, Sir. Tis Cinderali." Abby's eyes widen, as they tend to of late. "Your wife? She's here?" She gets up from her seat, looking excited, and Josh calms her down, despite being as surprised as she is. "Send her in," he tells the Fucksman.
It isn't long before Ali is brought to the presence of her ex-husband and his family. Midass greets her upon entering the room, kissing her hand, and she shows relief in knowing he's alright and not locked up again. "Locked up?" Abby wonders. Ali takes notice of the little girl and asks who she might be. Midass introduces her: "Alison, my dear, this is Princess Abigoat... my daughter." Ali is confused. She'd never been told Midass had a daughter before. Thoughts of illegitimate siring immediately cross her mind, but her father-in-law promptly explains that Abigoat was tragically turned into a golden statue by him, by his curse, many years ago, and she recently came back to life. "I see," Ali says, as she lowers herself to be on the same level as the little girl, "My, my, aren't you pretty as a picture?" She caresses the girl's cheek, and Abigoat is awestruck by her immense beauty and the kindness that shoots from her eyes and smile. "You are much prettier in person than in the paper..." Ali giggles and thanks her for her kindness. She stands back up, and turns her attention to Josh. Awkwardness ensues. "Hello." "Hello." "I, uh... I need to speak with you, Josh, if you don't mind." "Right. Sure, um... Okay. Please leave us." This said, Midass, Abigoat and the Fucksman prepare to leave the room. Ali thanks them as they go. And the former royal couple prepare to sit down and have a chat.
Anastupid Trampaine does her very best to keep from crying, her left foot hurting more than anyone could ever possibly guess. As she takes it off of her shoe, the Grand Puke is even more disgusted this time: it's truly a gruesome sight, an incomplete foot with two parts that appear to have been sewn together. A million thoughts rush to the Puke's head, but he brushes them all away instantly, thinking that they simply can't be right... That being said, he finds it odd when several blood droplets stain the glass slipper as the footman puts it on the ugly maiden's ugly foot. It fits... Everyone's eyes widen with surprise and awe and, in Lady Trampaine's case, glee... But then it falls back off, to the carpeted floor. Lady's smile instantly vanishes, and her face conveys the usual austere look. The foot is now too small... She got her measurements wrong.
Blow White prepares to get up and immediately bangs her face against the bench she's lying under. "MOTHERFUCKER!! EVERY! SINGLE! TIME!!" Ali is alarmed by her presence, and then thoroughly relieved. She squeals to get her best friend's attention, and Blow is surprised and confused and somewhat aroused to see her best friend tied up and ball-gagged. "Hunni did some Joe do this to you? I thought you always said S&M was off-limits. But you said the same thing about them using the back door but I've been measuring the width of your butthole in your sleep and I'm sorry but that thing has grown in size." Ali squeals even more and Blow removes the ball-gag from her mouth. "Blow, untie me!! Save me!! They're going to steal my life!!" "Who now?" "My stepsisters, they're gonna put on my shoe and..." "Bitch say no more, I'd sell my soul to the Devil and suck him to high Heaven if it meant taking down those hoes. Heck I did last night, the selling part at least. Waiting on the results." She proceeds to untie Ali, who rushes out of the pantry.
"Well, if there aren't any more young maidens in the house, then I shall go on about my way," the Grand Puke tells Lady Trampaine, who tries her best to conceal her rage, but honestly looks like she's about to erupt. "Wait!" Ali's voice is heard, and the wicked stepmother turns her face around to see the newly-released maid show her delicate face in the living room. "Please wait," Ali begs, kindly, "I have yet to try on the shoe." The Puke motions for the footman, who is next to the entrance of the house already, to come back and allow Ali to try it on. "This is preposterous!!" Lady Trampaine practically shouts, "She is a maid, a lowly servant! She did not attend the ball last night, t-there is no possible way the prince danced with her!" The Grand Puke explains that it isn't up to him, he has been instructed to try the shoe on every young woman in the kingdom. As the ditzy footman moves towards Ali, who has now sat down in the chair where her sisters had tried the slipper on, Lady Trampaine places her own foot over the page's, and the man falls to the floor... sending the slipper flying out of the padded pillow it had been traveling on. All eyes in the room widen as the shoe makes its way to the floor... and lands safely. The Puke and footman sigh with relief. "Oh for crying out fucking loud!!" Lady Trampaine blurts right before she picks up the slipper and smashes it against the wall, a thousand shards raining on the floor. The Puke lets out a mild shriek and Ali's mouth gapes. Lady Trampaine recomposes herself and tells everyone present, "Oh, I must say I am deeply sorry for that. I'm an old woman, you see? Mind's not what it used to be. Forgot my medication today. Oops shit happens." The Puke starts to despair as the footman lies down on the floor and picks up the shards, hopelessly hoping to put them back together. "It's quite alright," Ali says, as calmly and gently as she almost always speaks, "I have the other one." If looks could kill, she'd be a dead woman. The face that her stepmother puts on would scare anyone who dared to gaze into her eyes. The Puke's jaw drops as he takes the right glass slipper from the maiden. "...Were you just keeping that in your ass?" Dumbella questions, and the Puke proceeds to put the slipper on Ali's bare right foot himself. It is - obviously - a perfect fit... The Puke and footman rejoice. Ali smiles with contentment. Lady Trampaine sees red. And Anastupid loses her senses and faints in her sister's arms due to the pain and blood loss.
"You do love wearing those," the Queer comments as he notices the glass slippers on Cinderali's feet, peeking out from under her blue dress as she sits down before him. She smiles, and tells him it was so nice of the Boob Fairy to restore the one her stepmother smashed. "How are you?" he asks, "How have you been?" "Fine, for the most part, given the circumstances," she tells him. "I hope you know that... well, I never sent out anyone to hurt you, I just wanted my father back. But I think it's very nice of you to have tried to protect him." Ali nods. "That's just... you in a nutshell, I suppose," he says, "Kindest, purest heart in all the lands. Always putting others first." Ali blushes, not knowing what to say. "I love you," he tells her, catching her by surprise; "In some... confusing way I can't even put to words or understand myself, I care very deeply for you, Alison. You've shown me compassion and understanding in a way that hardly anyone has ever shown me. I can't possibly love you the way you deserved me to. The way I wanted to... But I do love you, in some way." Ali is touched. "I care about you too, Josh... And it pains me in more ways than you can possibly imagine to know the things you're up to. And you can guess all too well that that's exactly why I'm here, talking to you... I have come to ask... beg, plead if I have to... for you to give up on this, this curse nonsense!" "Ali..." She continues: "You are the king now, Joshooa. You may have used dark magic and trickery to get this much power, but you are still the king. Your father is now too old and sickly to rule the kingdom anyway, you were destined for this. But you should follow in his footsteps, carry on his legacy. Midass was a kind king." "He wasn't a kind father!" She understands this, but tells him, "He was the product of the society he grew up in. One that condemns people for things they cannot choose or change. You are now the voice of that society, you can decide what is right and wrong for them. You can make a change for the better, you can turn ignorance into tolerance, but instead, you're opting to do the wrong thing. Making the bad choice..." The Queer gets up, looking riled up now. "Oh, and I just let everyone who perpetuated that wrong through the years, who made it so that my life was a hell, off the hook?!" "So it's all about revenge for you, then? That's what it comes down to?" Josh doesn't know how to answer. "What about all the young men out there who feel like you do? Who have also been forced into hiding because of what they are?" "I will make the world safe for them! I am thinking of them. When every man is gay, they will be fine. Happy even." "And what about the young women in the same predicament? Gay women. Or any other innocent woman out there that this curse plans to erradicate. Why do you even plan to kill them all?" "I just... I didn't want there to be the slightest chance that men would go back to being attracted to women." "I see." An awkward moment of silence ensues. "I, uh... I made the curse so, so that a woman would be spared. You. I wanted to spare you." "I remember," Ali says. "But now..." Ali realizes where he's getting at: "Now your sister is back. Alive and well. In your life once more." "I'm sorry..." Josh tells her, meaning it. "Don't be," she tells him back, "As if I would ever want my life to take precedence over a child's. And I told you before I didn't accept your... sparing." "I see," Josh finishes. A few more seconds of silence, and then he breaks it by going on to say, "Ali, I know you can't understand or tolerate what I'm trying to do, and I get it. I get that I'm the bad guy. But sometimes it takes a lot of wrong to make things right, and if some innocent people have to die for the world to be a better place, so be it!" "Your plan doesn't make sense whichever way you look at it, Josh. The homophobic men will be made gay, but they shall all live. Even those who would have turned you away or maybe even killed you for being gay. You will make them embrace it, but they will live. And a lot of innocent, kind women will die because of your own selfish cause." "Maybe I didn't think everything through, but the curse has already been built to my liking and I can't just change anything now. Only thing I can do is gather the ingredients necessary and cast it." "Or not cast it at all," Ali suggests in turn, "Don't do it, Josh. Change the world. Make it a better place. But do it the right way. There's more kindness and understanding out there than you're willing to consider." "How would you know?!" he lashes out, now livid, "You don't know what it was like for me growing up, the way anyone reacted to me whenever they saw how effeminate I was!! The contempt, the disgust, the hatred in their eyes!!" "Is that what you see in my eyes?" she asks him. He stares into her beautiful blue eyes and is unable to form an answer, yet again. "I'm sorry..." "You will be, Josh. And this isn't a threat, if it sounded like one. It's a warning. You're about to do something awful from which there will be no going back. I have no doubt in my mind it will take its toll on you, leave your heart with a wound that can't be mended." "My heart is like that every day of my life..." She comes closer towards him and places her gentle, gloved hand over his chest. "It still beats," she tells him, "It can still heal. It can still love." He grabs her hand and tears up. "Please..." she begs, "Please think of what I told you." She uses her other hand to wipe the tears off his face, and he nods, slowly.
Flash to the past; Cinderali is escorted out of the Trampaine mansion by the Grand Puke, luggage in tow, for she does not trust to leave her belongings with her stepmother alone at this point. Blow White watches from inside the mansion as Ali prepares to set off, but she refuses to let her friend leave without saying goodbye. "Yo, wait up!!" the prostitute slave calls out, rushing out the door, walking over an unconscious Anastupid as she does so, cracking one of the maiden's ribs. Ali looks back to see her friend, and the two embrace in one final hug. "I promise I'll be back for you," the future princess declares, "And thank you... for everything." The two hug one last time, and Ali hops into the carriage to head off. As Blow waves, Lady Trampaine runs out of the mansion, followed by Dumbella who is attempting to give her her medication. "I don't give a fuck what becomes of you!! You're no princess; you're nothing but a whore!!" "Nigga, shut the fuck up!" Blow shouts, while Ali simply ignores the words of hate coming from the woman who was meant to step in and love her unconditionally, just as her real mother once did... However, some have other ideas. Cinderali's bird friends, those who have chosen to follow the carriage to the palace, have had enough of Lady Trampaine once and for all. They descend back and attack Ali's wicked stepmother, pecking away at the elderly woman, going as far as forcing her to the ground as they inflict as much pain possible on her, leaving her with the marks currently left on her body today. Blow also poops in her hand and throws it at Dumbella, hitting her right int the face, resulting in the ugly stepsister screaming, bursting into tears, and running inside, disgusted and terrified. Ali, meanwhile, carries on with the ride to the palace, daydreaming about what her life shall soon become: the perfect fairytale ending she'd dreamt about for so long...
The heroes all play cards together out in the woods, with the exception of Jizzinme Cricket, who is too tiny to pick up the cards. Heck, he's card-sized, if anything. Blow White keeps cheating, concealing the good trumps inside her vagina. Cinderali makes her way back to the camp, and they all get up, anxious to hear what she has to say. Rena welcomes her back with a kiss, and Ali tells them all's good, and the Queer is going to consider what she told him. "I think we can go back home," she assures them, "I don't think Josh is going to cast that curse." "What makes you so sure?" the Dog asks, and Ali tells him she did live with him for a while, and she believes he can eventually understand that she is right and that he shouldn't go through with it. Ali kisses Rena again, and prepares to help her friends pack up. Everyone shows relief over being able to get out of the woods, but Rena stands still, uncertain. He doesn't believe the Queer will reconsider at all, or that he'll keep from casting the curse... for the sheer fact that Rena himself has been prophesied to keep him from doing it.
Some time later, the carriage has been loaded up, and everyone is on board. Like before, Rena and the Dog sit up front, driving (this time out of the silly costumes), while everyone else is inside the banana. "Y'all ready?" Rena calls, via the intercom, to which everyone confirms they are. However, Blow's eyes soon widen as she realizes something is missing... She begins to frantically search around the inside of the carriage, and upon realizing it's not there, she screams out, "My dildo!!" Everyone is confused (and uncomfortable), and Ali asks what's going on. "Bitch I can't find mah hot-pink, cream cheese-cumming dildo!!" She turns the intercom back on and tells Rena to stop the carriage, allowing her to quickly hop out and search for it. She roams around the woods a bit, annoyed, seeing as how she went through all the trouble of stealing it from the gift shop of Lady Trampaine's old brothel. However, the search is soon interrupted when a voice calls out, "Is this what you're looking for?" Blow turns to find the Evil Queer, standing behind her, holding her hot-pink, cream-cheese cumming dildo. "Funny," he comments, "I have one of my own, but in green." He holds it out for her to take it back, but Blow points her finger, stating, "Nigga I don't give a fuck if you told Ali you're droppin' all dis fag curse shit, do not come any closer or I will go kung fu on yo ass!" The Queer puts his hands up, abiding to Blow's request. "You're right," he says, "I did make it somewhat clear to Ali I wouldn't cast the curse. I told her I'd rethink things, and that I'd spare you all." To Blow's surprise though, the Queer poofs himself from where he was standing to right in the princess' face, exclaiming, "But I lied." Blow goes to speak, but the Queer cuts in; he goes on about how, though he did give it some thought, he still can't forgive all those who refused to accept him. He's not over the pain that has been inflicted on him due to his sexuality, how he was always seen as different, and that what he was is wrong. "This curse... oh this curse. This is my happy ending. This curse will solve all of my problems." Blow appears to be (for the first time ever) slightly intimidated; she asks why he is telling her all of this, to which he replies, "Because, my sweet, there is an exception in my curse. Yes, it will turn every man into a homosexual. Yes, it will kill every woman, but... there is room to spare just one. One woman can live, and that woman can be whomever I please. Originally I intended to spare Ali, but she didn't want that, so that leaves room open... room for you." "Why dafuq would you want me?!" "Why as payment, of course," the Queer replies, "I'd spare your life in exchange for you being my eyes and ears. You'd report back to me everything the Savior and his hero friends are up to. A double agent, is what you'd be." "I... I can't just betray them like that. I may not be the classiest bitch out there, but I have some morals." "But why?" the Queer questions, "What have they ever done for you? Blow, honey, most of them despise your guts. You're, well... how shall I put this? You're simply outrageous. You know you're only there because Ali pities you, right? You acted as her guard dog back in the day and she feels she owes you one. But hun, you're just a mere burden. Not to mention, Ali will always outshine you. I mean, have you seen her? I married her. I'm perhaps the biggest gay in all the realm, but I saw the possibility of myself being happy with her. A woman. That's how fabulous she is. Anyways, to be quite frank, my dear, if you sell them all out to me then I can see to it you benefit greatly." Blow is hurt by what has been said, but understands that the Queer is simply speaking the cold, hard truth. "Just give it some thought," he says to Blow, before starting to head off. However, he stops, turning back, and exclaims, "Oh, you may want this," and he tosses her the dildo, which she catches. He poofs out of sight. Now alone, Blow is left conflicted...
Deleted Sequence[edit | edit source]
Lucifuck, the stepsisters' atrocious and atrociously fat cat, catches the juicy-looking mouse and devours him, just in time to be hit by Rumple's magic. Pus-Pus turns into a horse inside the cat's entrails and Lucifuck implodes. "Goodbye, little fat cat, we hardly knew ye," Rumple jokes, snidely, as Ali covers her mouth with shock and horror. Rumple uses his magic to clean the blood splatters and guts off of Pus-Pus the horse.
Unanswered Questions[edit | edit source]
- Why was Rena running for his life in flashbacks?
- What steep price will the Queer have to pay upon casting the curse?
- What is Blow's history with red apples?
- How do the stories get crossed over and toned down for Rena's world?
- Why did Rumple give Rena a magic condom?
- How did the Queer take his father's kingdom?
- Why does Rumple want Ali's firstborn?
- Why couldn't the Queer rip out Rena's heart? Does he really not have one?
- What quest did the Boob Fairy and Rumple go on?
- How and when did Slutty Red become a werewolf?
- How did Gabrielle Charming die?
- How did Ali's father steal Rumple's family? Why does Rumple want to darken Ali's heart?
- Who killed Anitta Red? Was the Hunterer involved in her murder?
- Why was Rena sentenced to court-mandated therapy?
- What happened to Willy?
- What are the origin and the content of the prophecy regarding Rena? Why did he freak out upon reading it?
How did Lady Trampaine get those strange markings on her body?- How did Rumple acquire the curse? Where does it come from?