The Little Whore Maid
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"The Little Whore Maid" is the 4th episode of Once Upon a Penis.
Summary[edit | edit source]
When Blow White is put back to sleep by the Evil Drag Queen, Ali despairs, hoping for a way to save her best friend, so she and Rena are forced to turn to the Dark One again. Meanwhile, Pornocchio meets the group that is determined to take down the Evil Queer, and he tries to come up with a way to contact his friend, the Ballserina. In flashbacks, we are treated to Ali's life before she became a princess and when she lived under the thumb of her wretched stepmother.
Plot[edit | edit source]
[edit | edit source]
She reaches for her hairbrush with her delicate, gloved hand, and as she puts her fingers over the object, she can tell she is trembling. Cinderali grabs her right wrist with her left hand and presses it, hoping to stop the shaking. It's been a few minutes since the Evil Queer, her ex-husband - could he be truly an ex if they never officially separated? -, visited, and although she maintained her composure in his presence - boy that was hard - she was now visibly stricken with its consequences. The mere sight of him moved her in painful ways. To be in his presence was overwhelmingly bad. But brushing her hair had always comforted her slightly, so that's what she would do for now. She brings her hairbrush to her golden hair, and immediately a white knight shows up unannounced, to inform her of the presence of yet another unwanted guest. "Who is it?" she asks, rather alarmed. "'Tis Lady Trampaine, Your Highness." Cinderali sighs.
"I do believe this is yours," Lady Trampaine says as she puts out her hand, holding a semi-large rock. Before her stand the two princess friends. "Yeah, I was wondering where I put it," Blow White says as she takes the rock from her. "It came flying through my dining room window last night as I was having dinner with the Duke! Can you perchance explain how you made it so that that happened?" the frightening middle-aged woman asks. "Butter fingers?" Blow says, nonchalantly. "I'm... sorry, mother," Ali tries, "It won't happen again." "It better not. I will not stand for this kind of... of... insanity, for lack of a better word, anymore. You two claim to be princesses, but you still act like the savages you have always been at heart." "Okay, enough of this shit, hag," Blow lashes out, "You mess with us, then you get what's coming to you! If you didn't insult and attack us all the time, no one would be poking holes in your shack." "Insult you?" "Yeah! You called us prostitutes." Lady twitches her nose and says, with derision, "I do apologize if I offended your integrities when I referred to you as prostitutes, I honestly thought you knew." Blow scoffs. "Aw, hell no, I'ma eat this bitch." Ali tries to calm her down. Blow continues, however: "Listen bitch, we are princesses, and you better start treating us with respect! Respect is lovely and it keeps your teeth in their place." Annoyed and having had enough, Lady simply says, "This is beneath me." She turns around and heads back to her carriage, on her way home. Ali doesn't know exactly what to do. Blow asks her friend if she's just gonna let her stepmother go off on that note, but Ali, beaten, tells her, "Forget it, Blow. It's just... one of those days, you know?"
In a flashback, Cinderali mops the floor of her bedroom, in her stepmother's large mansion, that once belonged to her father. She missed him terribly... Ever since his death, her life had been nothing but a torment. Her stepfamily forced her to perform all kinds of chores, made her sleep on a bed of cinders and dressed her in old, torn rags. She was a slave. And... something worse. As she mops the floor, Lady Trampaine opens the door and tells her, in a harsh tone, "Cinderali! The gentleman is here. Make yourself... presentable." She closes the door again. Ali sighs. She sits in front of the broken mirror of her old, unkempt boudoir, takes off her headscarf, and starts to brush her hair.
It isn't before long that Ali is all cleaned and dressed up, in a much prettier outfit, all pink. She almost looks like a princess. She makes it out of the chamber and comes down the stairs to meet with Lady Trampaine and an unattractive, chubby middle-aged man in the front lobby. Ali has to mask an ugly face when he is seen picking his nose the first time her eyes fall on him. "Finally, you're ready," Lady tells her. "Yes, moth..." Ali starts to say the word instinctively, as she had been raised to by her father, but is stopped cold on her track by the reminder brought on by Lady Trampaine's hateful look. "Madam," she corrects herself. "Well, then," Lady says, "Lead this gentleman who's requested your company to the suite. And... have fun." Ali feigns a smile and grabs the man's arm, and off they go, as Lady counts the money on her hands. And for the rest of the afternoon, and for the moderate price of fifty dollhairs an hour, that pig of a man will be Cinderali's prince.
ONCE UPON A PENIS
Act I[edit | edit source]
"Can I... Can I have something to eat, please?" This question, asked so innocently by the wooden young man, surprises everyone gathered around him, and they were plenty surprised to begin with. "It's just," he justifies himself, "What they fed us in that prison..." "Of course," Ali tells him, "I'll, I'll fetch you some food." The princess moves to get her new acquaintance something to eat, and Pornocchio is surprised by the fact that a royal would tend to him so promptly, without even asking a subject to do it for her. Especially her. It was, after all, common knowledge that the Evil Queer, the raving loon that had threatened the entire kingdom, had been married to Cinderali. "You eat?" the Dog asks, confused. "Why does that stump you?" Blow asks, "He walks, talks and annoys, why couldn't he eat?" Porn doesn't know how to respond to her, so he simply turns to the Dog and confirms that he does eat. "It's just, um, you're made of wood, so... what do you eat exactly?" "Food. Regular food, I guess. I... I'm pretty much normal, I just... I'm made of wood." "The very definition of abnormal," Blow bluntly says. Rena asks that she be nice. "I'm sorry, corkscrew cock, I'll try to be more tactful. It's hard sometimes when I'm living in a circus of freaks." Ali returns with a sandwich platter, and Porn thanks her for her kindness. Rena Charming, marvelled by the creature and all too familiar with the tale of Pinocchio, asks him for his name. "Pornocchio," he says. "Yeah. I should have known. Do I know you though?... I mean, have we crossed paths here in this land? I am familiar with... what you guys are all supposed to be, I guess, but I feel like I've seen you already." The wooden boy shakes his head, not recognizing Rena, and starts eating, and the Dog says it's amazing. Pornocchio starts to explain that his father was a lonely elderly man who could never have a child with his wife while she was alive. One day, he built himself a wooden puppet from enchanted materials, and wished that it would be given life. The Boob Fairy granted said wish, giving Pornocchio life. Rena hangs on every word, smiling like a kid in a candy store. Porn goes on to say that he is "complete" too. "I... I have cut myself, out of curiosity..." "Emo freak," Blow says. "I did it to, to see what I'm like on the inside... Before I could hurt myself any further, the Boob Fairy explained to me that in many ways I'm just like a regular person. I have a heart, I have intestines, a, a brain.. They're just... wooden." The Dog asks if he cries sap, a question that stumps Porn. "I... I don't know. I've never actually cried before. I don't usually secrete bodily fluids. Or, ever. I have no saliva. I guess that's... one of the dissimilarities between me and other people." "I could do without peeing," Rena says, "Having to go to the bathroom every now and then 'cause nature is calling. Annoying." "I couldn't do without cumming," Blow weighs in, "I... Oh God I live for it." Porn looks a bit down at this, having never felt such a pleasure. "Anyway, let's get back to what matters," the Dog says, "You looked like you were in a bit of a hurry. Like you were running from someone. What's the story there?" A bit intimidated, Pornocchio reluctantly tells them all about his woes, how he was captured by the Evil Queer's golden knights whilst stealing, which he only did because his father is very ill and needs magical assistance. In prison, he managed to escape with his life, probably because of the Dark One, so he was in a hurry because of that. Ali apologizes for her ex's punitive behavior towards the wooden boy, and offers him asylum. "You will be safe here with us," she promises, unsure of how valid such a promise is. He thanks her again. "But I can't stay," he says, "My... friend, I, I met a girl in prison, and she couldn't get out. I have to go back and get her." The others all exchange glances. "I... I don't think that's wise," Ali tells him. "I can't just leave her there, he'll have her killed!" "Exactly," the Dog jumps in, "And if you go back, you'll die too. You already got lucky enough to escape without a scratch, don't throw that away." Pornocchio won't hear it. "I thank you all so much for your hospitality and for your concern, truly, I do. But no one can dissuade me from this. I have to save her." Rena realizes the wooden boy is in love with the prisoner. "Then we will save her," he says. Everyone is surprised. "What?" Rena adds, "I was brought to this land to defeat the Queer, right? So far all I've done is sit around. It's time I bring the fight to him and get it over with. If an old prophecy says I've got what it takes to beat him, that's all I need to get by. Besides, I've got the... the... 'weapon' that Rumpleforeskin gave me. Just... have to figure out how to use it." Ali sighs silently, worried. "Who's with me?" The Dog puts up his right paw instantly. Pornocchio puts up his hand too. Ali does as well, albeit reluctantly. Everyone stares at Blow White. "Right. Yeah, no, sorry. I'm getting my fingernails painted today. I wish I'd known earlier we would be risking our lives in a bloody battle, I would have rescheduled." Rena brushes this off immediately as he turns to the wooden boy and tells him, with confidence, "Don't worry. We will save her. I promise." Porn smiles at him, more encouraged now than before.
Blow White enters her chamber, looking annoyed. Cinderali follows after her, calling: "Blow! Blow! Are you really not going to help us?" "Why should I? I don't give a crap about saving the land from your faggy ex. Like he could ever do anything to hurt me. I could eat him up and crap him out whole." Ali is disappointed in her. "Blow, after everything we've been through, I honestly thought you would show more support in times like these. The entire kingdom has been threatened with destruction." "He didn't threaten destruction, he threatened to make every man a homo." "And to have every woman killed! You're a woman, Blow!" "Um, bitch, I'm a lady, 'kay?" "Ugh! You know what, you're unbelievable. I really don't know why I bother anymore, Blow. You don't change. I always think maybe I can help to make you a better person, but no, you insist on being as self-centered and obnoxious as you've always been." "It's part of my charm." "We comforted each other when we were both... working in my stepmother's... brothel. I was your only friend despite the stigma attached to the color of your skin. I introduced you to the royal life! I gave you a home after your prince kicked you out because you were so insufferable! And the one moment I need you to come through for me, you could not care less!" "I care! I do care! I care about living! Breathing, walking, fucking! I could go with you guys and get a spear through my head the minute I walk into the Queer's castle, and I'm sorry, but no amount of stuff you've done for me matches up to that." Ali sighs again, bluntly this time. "Damn it, Ali!" Blow continues, "I am not a fighter. I just like to slap bitches around. I have never held a sword in my life, I have no magical powers and I'm not the brightest apple in the tree. There is nothing I could bring to the mix to help you guys. I would just be in the way, you'd all probably even have to go out of your way to save me. Please... just let me be." Ali considers this. And Blow goes on to say, "And just... just know that... I'm rooting for you." Ali starts to tear up. "Damn it..." she says. Blow moves in to hug her, and Ali gives in. They break off the hug after an extended while, and Blow dries her tears with her pearly-white fingers. They smile at each other. "Now, go on. Get ready." "Okay," Ali says, "W-what are you gonna do?" Blow looks at the food offerings her subjects give her, left on her bedside table by her lackeys, and says she's just gonna treat herself to a snack. Ali turns around to leave, and Blow picks up a turnover. She takes one bite, and Ali is forced to turn back around to the sound of her best friend falling cold to the floor.
Cinderali looks at herself in the cracked mirror, in a flashback, wearing her pretty pink dress, the only presentable thing she is allowed to wear. The only pretty outfit her stepmother ever gave her, and it comes as nothing more than an alluring disguise, meant to build a fantasy. She looks at her pretty made-up face and tries to fight back the tears, but they show up anyway. Then, the door to her dingy, musty room is opened, and her best friend, Blow White, wearing her usual rags, comes inside. "Ali? Are you crying?" The pretty blonde wipes her tears, as her black best friend gets down on her knees by her sitting friend. "What's wrong?" Blow asks. "Nothing," Ali says, "It's nothing, I..." "Tell me," Blow asks. Ali looks at her sympathetic brown face and can't help but confide in her. "I am so... miserable." Blow sighs and gets up to hug her. "We're gonna make it out of this wretched life, you know?" "How?!" Ali asks, "Oh, Blow... It's been going on forever, ever since my father died. She and her daughters, they, they... Why do they hate me so much? How can they be so cruel to me?" "Some people are just like that," Blow says. "They just... the way they enslave me... Make me wear those fricking rags, make me do all the chores around the house, whore me out to the most disgusting men imaginable... They make me sleep on a bed of coffee grinds and cinders and call me 'Cinderali' because of it! How petty do they have to be?!" "And they call me 'Blow White' because they make me suck a lot of honky dick. We're on the same level, sweetie. But I hold on to hope... that someday things are gonna change. The tables will be turned." "That's a mighty big wish to see fulfilled," Ali says, not convinced, "How do you figure it can happen?" "I don't know," Blow says, "But I've seen what faith can accomplish before. I..." Her face changes, to a more sullen one, "I used to... to ask for, maybe smaller things. I didn't... Ali, I didn't have a single friend in the world. No one who cared about me. Everyone hated me because I'm a fricking nigger. And all I asked for... was that someday someone would care for me. That I'd have a friend, that's it. Someone I could talk to, so that I wouldn't be so alone." Ali starts to smile when she sees where Blow is going with this, and the pretty brown woman says it anyway, "And now I have you. So, believe me when I say that things will get better." "I hope so..." Ali says, "I... I spend most of my time daydreaming. Lost in beautiful dreams about me being a princess, waited on, as opposed to waiting on people. Then I wake up to reality, to this cruel nightmare." "Dreams are good, sweetie," Blow tells her, "They give you purpose. Goals to reach. They mend your broken heart. What is a dream?" Ali smiles, reminded of the saying. "A dream is a wish your heart makes..." Blow smiles. "And you have such a big heart, Ali. It deserves to be mended. And it will be. Keep on dreaming."
"What happened?!" Rena asks, confused. Everyone gathers around Blow White's bed, where Ali has put her to rest. She tells them, frantically, "I don't know! Oh God, I, I don't know, s-she, she just said she was gonna eat something, I turned around to walk out a-and I just heard her collapsing. The Big Bad Dog notices the turnover with a bite mark on the rug and picks it up. He sniffs it and detects the odor. "Apple," he says. Ali's eyes get wide at this remark. "No..." she says. "What?" Porn asks. "No..." Ali starts to despair even further, and then everyone's attention is caught by a malevolent sounding laughter, almost maniacal. The laughter sounds muffled to an extent, indicating to them that its source is not really amongst them. "What the hell...?" Rena wonders where it could be coming from. But Ali knows. She turns to the mirror on Blow's boudoir, as the image of what appears to be a mannish-looking woman appears in it. "You again," Ali says, tears still coming down her delicate cheeks. The ugly woman keeps laughing maniacally. "Who the fuck is that?" the Dog asks. "That's the Evil Drag Queen," Ali answers, "Blow's arch-nemesis." "That's right, boys and girls. Mwahahahahah! I have, yet again, put that loathsome bitch to sleep!" "You need a new bit, you bitch!" Ali lashes out, "Blow was already woken up from your sleeping curse, why do you think we can't save her this time?!" Entertained, the Evil Drag Queen says, "She was woken up by true love's kiss! The only thing capable of breaking the curse. Word on the street is, however, her charming little prince has kicked her to the curb! Oh, what is to be of our darling little Blow now that the love is gone?" "You... you..." Ali is enraged, but also horrified. "Oh, don't look so angry, Cinderali," the Queen says, "Blow is accostumed to being a useless carcass, never lifting a finger to help anyone. I just made it so that that was her only option. Now she'll spend the rest of her life dreaming... in Hell! HA!" Everyone looks scared and shocked. The image of the Evil Drag Queen disappears from the mirror. And Ali clenches her fists, crying harder now. "No..."
Act II[edit | edit source]
Blow White lies motionless on her bed, with her friend Ali tending to her, as best she can, trying to think of ways to make the inanimate body comfortable. Ali kisses her forehead, twice. And starts to tear up. Rena tries his best to comfort Ali in turn, but keeps coming up short on things to say. And Pornocchio has something else in mind: he asks the blonde princess what happened with the mirror, how the Evil Drag Queen managed to contact them through it. Ali is distracted by her friend's state, but she eventually concentrates slightly on Porn's question and answers it, telling them that mirrors can sometimes be used as portals to communicate, and there's spells on how to get that to happen. Porn is intrigued by this. The Dog asks if there is anything they can do for Blow, and Ali despairs, acknowledging that the Drag Queen was right: with no one in love with Blow, there is no one to give her true love's kiss, no one to wake her up. "True love's kiss is supposedly the only cure for this poison..." "Well, she's your best friend, don't you love her?" "Why do you think I kissed her twice already? It didn't work." Ali starts to cry. Rena tells her maybe it has to be on the lips. Ali thinks it's worth a shot, so she kisses her friend on the lips, and all the male companions in the bedroom are aroused, and they each try to hide it. Blow doesn't wake up, and Ali sighs, through her tears. Rena puts his hands over her shoulders, and Pornocchio, regaining his prior focus, pulls the Dog aside for a sidebar. "I need your help," he says, "They're distracted with this sleeping princess problem now, but I still need to save my friend." "You want us to storm the golden castle on our own? That'd be dual suicide!" "No, I mean... We can wait for us to regroup, stick to the original plan, it's just... Balls doesn't know I'm coming for her. She's probably... given into despair right now, like the princess here. I need her to know that I will save her. I need to let her know that I'm coming, that she needs to hang on to hope, and maybe that she needs to stall them, stall her execution as much as she can. I need to talk to her." The Dog asks him how he plans on doing that. Porn looks at the mirror, and the Dog does the same. Porn looks back at him and says, "Where do you guys keep the spellbooks in this palace?" The Dog tells him he's being foolish. "I mean, are there even any mirrors in the cells? Doubtful." Porn is unmotivated by this, just remembering that there aren't any. But then his eyes grow wide again. "Yes... yes, I can think of one." He smiles, hopeful. The Dog is intrigued.
"I am so sorry, Blow... So sorry," Ali says as she rubs her best friend's forehead. She turns to Rena and says, "We need to do something!" "I... I don't know what to do, I'm sorry, I... I'm not even from this land. You're the one who was just telling me there was no other way to save her." Ali starts to sob, as she begins to accept this truth. Rena then looks curious. "Ali, I... I really don't mean to... I'm sorry if this question is gonna upset you, but... why do you care so much?" Ali is surprised by this question, and looks back at him, with a judgmental look on her face. "How can you even ask me that?" Rena is muddled: "I j-just, I don't mean, I, I mean, you're so nice and she's... so not." Ali looks at him with a blank stare for two seconds, then she scoffs. "I know..." She turns to look at Blow and says, "Blow White is the most obnoxious, aggressive, self-centered, aggravating and all-around awful person I have ever met. But she's the only one who's always stayed by my side and..." She starts to choke up. "I don't know what I'm gonna do without her..." Crying, she rests her throbbing head over her friend's stomach.
A flashback ensues, in which we see Cinderali's head constantly hitting the frame of the bed on top of which she is being ravaged by a typical piggish customer, who slams into her repeatedly like a jackhammer, giving her nothing but pain and no pleasure whatsoever.
After the romp, Ali, sore and tearful, gets dressed up again, as the man, fully clothed already, stands by the door and hands Lady Trampaine the second half of the money owed for the session, for which he'd already paid half upfront. Lady thanks him for his business, and the man leaves. She finds Cinderali gazing at her with an angry stare, and asks what she wants. "If my father was alive and knew about this, he'd kill you..." Lady sneers. "Well, he's not. Now, relax. This was your last Joe for the night. Now you can go grab your broom and relax by cleaning the kitchen floor." Ali is further aggravated by this. Then, her stepsisters, Anastupid and Dumbella, barge into the room, with the latter one complaining in a squeaky, high-pitched voice: "Mommy! Mommy! Help, help, the house smells like whore!" She turns to Cinderali and says, "Oh, nevermind, it's just you." The two young women start to laugh hysterically, and Lady Trampaine chuckles along with them. "We spent the last half hour out in the hallway preparing that one," Ana says. "Girls, let us not upset Ali any further," Lady says, "She might freeze us with her icy stare. Let's go for our walk now." "Oh, we can't, mommy," Ana says, "It's raining. Yesterday it was so sunny but today it's so rainy... It's like two different days or something." Ali stands up, determined to confront her stepfamily, and tells them, "Maybe Ana and Ella could help me with the chores. Grow some calluses." The two girls gasp. "Mommy, how dare she?!" Ali goes on: "Well, Ana, I've seen you working a broom before. You weren't so much using it to clean the floor as you were shoving it up your body, but I can teach you to use it right." Ella and Lady look at Ana, confused. Ana remains silent. "And Ella," Ali continues, "You can help clean the cat. You like to do that." "Oh God, no," Ella says, "I've still got hair on my tongue from the last time." Trampaine puts her hand up in the air, telling her stepdaughter that is enough. "My girls are not maids. That is your job. So long as you live under my roof, you will do what you're told and leave my girls alone. You're the maid. You're the whore. Remember what your place is." Ali, smirking, tells her, "Well, sure. You would know all about that. Rumor has it you were a whore yourself back in the day." Lady Trampaine automatically slaps her with force across the face. The two sisters are surprised. "Mommy, is that true?..." "Of course not! Vicious lies spread by a vicious whore!" "Yeah!" Ana says. "You're a whore! Ha, you fuck men for cash, tehehe." Angered and touching her red cheek, Ali says, "I guess someone has to. And no man in this world would ever pay to sleep with you two abortions. Hell, they'd pay to stay away from you." The two girls are offended. They prepare to get violent ("Somebody grab me!" "Lemme at her!"), but then Blow White appears in the room, putting herself in front of Ali, and asking, with a smile, "We got a problem here?" The two girls freeze on their feet. "Mommy, it's the black one..." "Mommy I'm scared!" Blow crosses her arms and looks fierce as Ana and Ella put themselves behind their mother. Looking as icy as ever, Lady Trampaine scoffs at Blow's presence. "Ugh. The only reason you are still alive is because some disgusting men really value the company of an 'exotic woman', as they call it. To me you're an excrement with limbs." Blow clenches her right fist and tells her, "You might want to leave now. Before I make you eat shit." Lady Trampaine and her daughters exit the room. Once they're gone, Blow turns to Ali and asks her how she's doing. Ali is shaken up from thinking that her sisters were going to beat her up. She starts shaking for real and breaks down in Blow's arms.
"It's gonna be okay," Rena assures Ali, "We're gonna fix this." "How?..." Ali asks. "By calling the Dark One." Ali wipes her tears. "I... I guess that could work. But he didn't come when we last summoned him. The spell takes some preparation, and it could be for nothing. Do you really have time to go back to his castle?" "I'm not going anywhere, he's coming to us! That weird-bearded son of a bitch shows up whenever he wants to, he knew where to find me in the woods when I first got here and I never called him, he knew when I'd made it to this palace, I'm willing to bet he just knows everything that happens all the time and he doesn't need anyone to call him!" Ali doesn't know what to say. "Rumpleforeskin!" Rena starts shouting, into the air, twirling around, "Rumpleforeskin, come! Come you son of a bitch! I know you know I'm calling, show your sorry ass!" Suddenly, a grey cloud of smoke materializes in the bedroom, and from it comes Rumpleforeskin, who looks annoyed. "You know, dearie, you really ought to start treating your very powerful and deadly elders with some respect." Rena smiles, proudly, and says, "Thanks for coming."
Act III[edit | edit source]
"What, what is it that you want?" the Dark One asks, looking annoyed over having been disturbed. "Look around, take a wild guess," Rena tells him. Rumple notices Blow White unconscious on the bed and says, "So the strumpet was put under another sleeping curse. Why is that of my concern, or of yours for that matter?" "She matters to me!" Ali says. "Oy," Rumple tells her, "Behold my lack of caring." Rena begs for his help, and Rumple, further aggravated, tells him, "But why, why, why?! You don't need my help, you extraordinary penile-shaft-possessing man! You're the Savior! Your penis holds the key to good forces being liberated all over the kingdom. If you wish to save the moll - and may God have mercy on your soul if you do -, then you can save her yourself." Rena is confused, but starts to get it: "You mean... I... I can save her with my penis? How?" "Well, she swallowed poison," Rumple says, "Now the appropriate thing would be for her to swallow the antidote." Both Rena's and Ali's eyes widen as they realize what this means. "Now," Rumple continues, "Glad I could help. There is of course the matter of my fee." Rena asks what he means, and the Dark One explains that he never really just offers free consultation. "Those pieces of advice I gave you when you came to our world were on the house, because you were a first-time customer. And I did bring you here." Ali, uncomfortable, points out that Rumple always requires something in return for the favors he pays. Rena asks what he wants. Rumple then makes the oddest request: when Rena is to save Blow with his magic antidote, the Dark One wants to keep some drops of it for himself. Rena puts on an ugly face and asks what Rumple would want with his sperm, to which the creature just tells him, "That is my business and my business alone! Do we have a deal? Well, we must have a deal, because I've already done my part." Rena looks at Ali, who gives him a nod, desperate to save Blow. Rena acquiesces.
Not long ago, but quite some time after the confrontation against her stepfamily, Cinderali is seen sweeping the floor of the frontyard portion of her family's mansion, looking glum as always. She hears fireworks going off into the air and admires them as they form in the sky, above the golden castle. She sighs as she starts to daydream, holding on to her broomstick. She knows that night is the night of the prince's debut into high society, and the king is highly hopeful that his descendant will find a suitable young woman to wed amidst the dames of the kingdom. Her stepmother and stepsisters have already been taken, leaving her behind with the dress they tore up. "Do not despair, Cinderali," an as-of-yet unfamiliar voice is heard saying, "You will make it to that ball." Ali turns around to find the Dark One standing right next to her, and she lets out a squeal of horror. "W-who... what are you?" she asks as she starts to shake. "Why, dearie, surely you must have heard of me!" He takes a bow and says, "Rumpleforeskin, at your service." "T-the Dark One... I... I..." Ali starts to panic a little. He tells her not to fret, for he is there to help her. "My, my, you poor unfortunate soul... all these years trapped inside a large mansion with the tiniest of rooms to call your own. Forced to sleep on a bed made of cinders and coffee grinds. Mocked to exhaustion by your stepfamily. Whored out..." Ali asks how he knows all this, and he tells her he knows all and sees all. "For so many years, you've tried to escape... You have dreams, Cinderali, and big ones. You wish to be a princess." Ali looks sad again and tells him that'll never happen. "And you should be expected to think that," he continues, "After all the hard attempts that led nowhere. A frog... something about a pea... Your poor thing." Ali, not one to dwell in the past, asks him to get to his point. "Fair enough," he says, "You weren't meant for this life, Cinderali. I see that. You were meant for far greater things. I can help you get them." Ali, having heard many tales about the Dark One's penchant for making deals that carry burdensome prices for the people who strike them with him, tells him she's not interested, and asks him to go away. "Really? Not interested? Not even if I could get you married to Prince Joshooa within the month?" Ali's attention is obtained by this, but she tells him that'd never happen. "Don't underestimate my power, dearie." "W-well... I mean... if you could do that, I... what would you ask in return?" He smiles, wickedly. "Worry not about that, dearie. Let's focus on getting you into a prettier dress. Can't have you going to the ball looking like that!"
Ali looks away from the bed, still next to it. Then she gets up and walks up against a wall, facing it, when the sounds Rena produces start getting louder. She wants to save her friend more than anything, but she wishes this weren't the way. As Rena Charming stands over Blow's inanimate body and masturbates his bendy instrument, using a technique that puzzled Ali, the latter is overwhelmed by this moment. She's had a crush on Rena pretty much from the moment they met, and her feelings had grown more intense overtime. And now he was masturbating all over her best friend. Blow White would have appreciated that at any given moment, were she awake or not. Ali, however, was none too pleased, but she tried to conceal it. Eventually, Rena reaches his climax, and makes it so that his liquid of life enters through the sleeping beauty's rosy-red lips. Nothing happens for a few seconds, which leads him to wonder, but Rumpleforeskin is not the least bit concerned. Suddenly, Blow's eyes shoot open and she gasps, and Ali turns around and rushes to her side, as Rena starts to put his penis away and buckle up his pants. "Ah ah ah, not so fast," Rumple tells him, "We had a deal." Rena sighs and moves to join the Dark One and give him what he wants. "Blow, you're okay!" Ali cries as she holds her best friend, "Oh, I thought I'd lost you forever!" Blow slowly regains consciousness as she feels the most familiar taste on the roof of her mouth. "Did I... did I just have breakfast?"
"Are you ready?" the Dog asks, almost a bit impatiently, mostly out of worry that they might get it wrong. "Yes," Pornocchio tells him, "I am. Let's do this." The two have put themselves in an isolated guest bedroom, occupied by no one at the moment, and gathered together all the ingredients necessary to perform a communication spell via mirrors and reflections. The Dog tells Porn to concentrate on the person he wants to talk to, and if there is a mirror next to them, just as there is one right in front of him, maybe he'll be able to get the message across. The Dog starts reading some words in Latin, and Pornocchio closes his eyes and concentrates. Soon, a cloud of light blue mist starts to form in the mirror.
The Ballserina adds another mark on her wall, finding herself back in the cell where she had been kept before. She continued the count, uninterrupted, for she hadn't spent a single day out of the cell, to be fair. She sighs. "Balls? Balls, are you there?" Pornocchio's voice reaches her, sounding rather muffled. "P-Porn...?" she wonders. She looks around, getting up, and doesn't see him anywhere. "Balls! You can hear me! I can't see you, come closer!" Balls asks where he is, and he tells her. And her eyes focus on the puddle of stale water on the other side of the bars, in Pornocchio's old cell. The puddle where his loaf of bread fell. She sees his image forming in the water, and starts to tear up with joy to see his face again. "Oh, my God, Porn... I thought I'd never see you again." "You're alive!" he says, relieved, "You're okay!" She tells him she might be alive, but she sure isn't okay, and even the "alive" status doesn't seem permanent. "They're going to execute me soon," she tells him. "Porn, I..." "No they won't!" he interrupts her, "I'm coming for you. I, I met good people, and, and they're gonna help me, we're gonna storm the castle and save you, I swear!" Balls immediately shakes her head, telling him he can't do that, for it's suicide. "I'm coming for you!" "You just got out! Porn, please don't do this, please, forget about me!" "I can't forget about you!" He starts to tear up as well, "I just... I can't. Deal with it. I'm gonna save you. Just, wait for me. If you have to and if you can, stall the guards, do, I don't know, do something. Just know that I am coming for you." She smiles. "Thank you..." She starts to wipe her tears. "Look, Porn, j-just in case I don't make it..." "Don't talk like that," he interrupts, "You have to hold on to hope!" "Just listen, I... just in case... I love you." He stops. Admiring her reflection on his mirror as she looks at the puddle through the bars dividing the cells. She's smiling sadly, tears streaming down her face, and he wipes his own tears, smiling as well, and answers back: "I love you too." The Ballserina starts to get choked up a bit. The Dog himself feels moved. "I'm coming for you..." Porn promises, again. "I know," she says, "I'll be waiting."
"And you're sure you're okay?" Ali asks her friend, as she makes her more comfortable in bed by fluffing her pillow. "I am," Blow assures her, "I'm fine. I'm just angry. I am so gonna kick some he-she ass when I get the chance." Ali kisses Blow on the forehead and tells her she'll be in her chamber, resting after the big scare. "If you need anything, let me know." Ali starts to walk away, but she turns back around to tell her friend, "And drop the damn turnover!" Blow, holding the apple turnover that poisoned her in the first place and about to bite at it again, stops and tells her, "Right. I forgot. Oops?" Ali giggles and walks out.
Ali enters her chamber, sighing with relief, and then she lets out a startled gasp as she sees the Evil Queer standing before her, awaiting her presence. "Please don't be frightened," he tells her, "I didn't come to fight. You know I could never hurt you." Ali recomposes herself, and tells him, "Then you underestimate the hurt caused by a broken heart." The Queer looks guilty. She asks him why he is there, and he tells her, "Ali... Sweet Ali, I, I know we've had... problems... I walked out on you because I couldn't be happy with you, with little regard to how happy you seemed to be with me. And I know that... you don't agree with my current day point of view and with the plans I have in store for this kingdom..." "How could I?" she asks, cutting him off, "You plan on turning every man into a homosexual and on erradicating all women. Ensuring that, at some point in a much nearer future, all of mankind is terminated." "N-not every woman," he reveals to her, "Not you." She stops, looking confused. "What?" "Ali, I know you don't understand what I'm trying to do. You don't have to. You couldn't possibly, I get that, you haven't been where I've been, you haven't suffered how I have suffered." "Don't lecture me about suffering!" she lashes out at him, "You haven't suffered how I have suffered." He brushes this off, knowing next to nothing about her past before they met, and tells her, "Whatever. Ali, look, I care a great deal about you. Now that my mother and my sister are gone, you're pretty much the only woman who ever cared about me, who ever showed me love. I couldn't possibly take your life. There, there is a caveat in the curse that I am designing. Not every woman will be killed. One woman will be spared. You." Ali shakes her head, horrified at the notion. "You... you want to... what, save me?" "Yes," he says, "Because, believe it or not, I do love you." Ali looks disgusted. "I don't... what... what do you expect me to say to that? 'Thank you'? You want to make me the only woman on this planet. Why, so I can be a sperm dumpster for every man in the land in order to keep the population going? With men who wouldn't even be able to get it up for me?" The Queer doesn't quite know what to say, and he just tells her he's giving her an opportunity to escape with her life, so she should take it. "Never, Josh. You're dellusional. You see, you may be the kind of royal who thinks the way to save his realm is with mass extermination. But I am a princess of my people. You want to kill the women in this land? Then you're gonna have to kill me too. When my people die, I die with them." The Queer doesn't look pleased. "You'll be sorry you turned me down," he says. She tells him, "You've filled me with enough sorrow to last a lifetime already, Joshooa. That threat doesn't faze me." The Queer leaves the bedroom, leaving Ali to just wonder how he got in in the first place. Then, Rumpleforeskin appears in the chamber. "Now, that was interesting," he says. Ali isn't pleased to see him. "Go. Now," she orders, and he just squeals, delighted and entertained. "Look who's become bossy now that she's a princess. Guess you grew tired of being ordered around by others." "Maybe I just detest you with a fiery passion," she says. "Oh, right. That. I understand, you've got good reason to. You do still owe me debt." "I don't owe you anything!" she blurts out, "I made a deal with you to get me a better life! My life is wretched, I am miserable!" Rumpleforeskin, ever the one to get technical when it suits him, reminds her that they actually made a deal to make her a princess. "Which, my dear, you are. Kudos." Ali is not defeated. "Regardless, you are never going to get what you want. Ever. I will make sure of it." "Oh, dearie... This would be adorable if it wasn't aggravating. You can't fight the fates. You can't fight your purpose, and you can't break out of a deal with me. You might think you have power over it, that you can decide... You don't. At all. And rest assured, I will get what I have coming. I will have your firstborn, Cinderali." As he laughs in his trademark machiavellian fashion, he envelops himself in his cloud of grey smoke and disappears. And Cinderali is left to her misery.
Unanswered Questions[edit | edit source]
- Why and how did Rumple bring Rena to the Fairy Tale Land?
- Why was Rena running for his life in flashbacks?
- What steep price will the Queer have to pay upon casting the curse?
- What is Blow's history with red apples?
- What made the Dog change from a regular pet to a personified animal?
- What are the origin and the content of the prophecy regarding Rena?
- How do the stories get crossed over and toned down for Rena's world?
- Why did Rumple give Rena a magic condom?
- Who killed Anitta Red?
- How did the Queer take his father's kingdom?
- Why couldn't the Queer rip out Rena's heart?
- How did Blow White become a white person?